The Chosen
by mlast
Summary: Five Heroes from five distant lands… unite to save the fate of the world! But will they be able to work together as a team? The Chosen have been called upon by the Crest of Hyrule to stop the ultimate evil, Ganondorf!
1. Prologue: An Overreacting Sage

Disclaimer: I don't own The Legend of Zelda. But 4 of the Chosen belong to me. 

Author's notes: Just so you don't criticise me if you review this story – this is a humorous attempt. So that means the characters may be slightly eccentric and well, out of character. Don't tell me Rauru isn't a stiff old man like he is in OoT. He's meant to be a little crazy in this story. Also, the plot may be a little woollen, but it does become clearer as the story progresses. And if you don't like OCs, well, there are at least 4 of them in this story. So now you know.

Sorry about that rant. I just had to let you know about these things. (in my other Zelda stories, I've had way too many criticisms over stuff like this that I didn't properly explain in the notes.) 

Prologue: An Overreacting Sage

"HYRULE IS DOOMED!"

The empty chamber echoed with the shrill cry from the lone Sage. Hair was being torn out, and the walls seemed to hear the despair of the atmosphere in the room.

An overreacting Sage, huh?

This certain character went by the name of Rauru. He seldom gets emotional, so when he says Hyrule is doomed, it MEANS Hyrule is doomed.

Now is the time to panic if you live in Hyrule. Go on then, panic.

Oh, wait... you don't live in Hyrule, do you? You're just here for the story. Anyway, allow me to continue.

So, Rauru. The Light Sage. Tearing his hair out. Hyrule is doomed, so on and so forth. Rauru stood alone facing nothing but the glowing medallions on the floor of the Chamber of Sages, his eyes slightly bloodshot. Something major had happened that night in the land of Hyrule. Like it usually does. No big surprise, right?

I think you've joined us a little too late. The Big Event has just happened. But you already knew who was the culprit, obviously.

That big mean Gerudo with the pointy ears and radioactive skin. Ganondorf Dragmire, The King Of All That Is Evil. You know the guy. Actually, I'd be very alarmed if you did. Moving on with the story...

Where was I? Oh yeah – Something major had happened that night in the land of Hyrule. And Rauru knew about it, all right. The bald spots on his head were evidence enough for anybody.

"How could we let this happen?" Rauru spoke aloud to the silence of the Chamber, his words bouncing back to his ears as a chattering agony. They were mocking him. He could tell.

"We need a hero for this job," Rauru said to the walls. "I can't do it alone. My powers will be no match for Ganondorf, especially since..." he shuddered, not wanting to recall the incident (don't worry, you'll find out about it later).

"But... one hero is not enough for the job either," he continued, a deep frown creasing his worn face. "No, I think it is time to call upon the Crest of Hyrule.

"Then will The Chosen truly arrive, and help me in this terrible new wave of darkness."

He lifted his arms, and the room faded to white. The image of the Hyrule Crest, a glowing red bird, wings outstretched, Triforce emblazoned above it, seemed to shimmer before the despairing Sage's eyes.

A voice, deep and commanding, boomed:

"Call upon me in times of need, ancient creator of Hyrule. What is your desire?"

Unperturbed (as he was a heavenly Sage and far too used to these weird things to be alarmed), Rauru blurted out the dilemma. Now here's the bit you've been waiting for.

"I desire to call upon the five Chosen. The fate of the world now rests with them. Ganondorf Dragmire has sealed the powers of the Sages, not including myself, into his own undeserving hand. The Triforce of Power Ganondorf commands is the prison to the Sage's spirits.

"I call upon not just the Hero of Time for this crisis, but the other four who are renowned in their homeland. This is too big a job for one."

Rauru bowed to the large crest floating in the middle of the Chamber, and there was silence. Would the Crest allow for the long lost Chosen to be called again after all these years?

Rauru could tell the Crest wanted to question how this tragedy had happened. It knew better. Sacred things such as this weren't allowed to ask questions. Cause and solution. That was their only concern. But Rauru could just hear that booming voice now: "Rauru, you fool, how could you let this happen? How could Ganondorf steal seven Sages' powers at the same time?" And then it would laser beam him to death and eat him for dinner. Well, it actually didn't have any eyes, and Rauru was pretty sure it didn't eat, especially not Sages.

The silence was pressing in on his eardrums. But it was over as soon as the throbbing started. And the answer was clear from the booming voice of the Crest:

"The Chosen shall be awakened."

Rauru sighed in relief.

"OVERREACTOR!" the Crest boomed at him.


	2. Chapter 1: Female of the Species

Chapter 1: Female of the Species  
  
"The Chosen. Five heroes from five different lands. They will unite to save the fate of the world!"  
  
Rauru was relieved that permission had been given from the Crest of Hyrule to summon the Chosen again. They, of course, had no idea they were chosen – yet.  
  
The Sage was alone again in the Chamber, the walls intent on capturing every moment. Hyrule depended on every motion taken from now.  
  
Rauru focused his powers to summon the Chosen. The first Hero would arrive any minute now...  
  
"Link of Hyrule, Hero of Time, you have been summoned by the Crest to aid your people."  
  
I bet you weren't expecting Link to be one of the Chosen, were you? (I knew he would be)  
  
There was a blinding flash of light, and the Triforce symbol upon the chamber floor was revealing a figure from its depths... a slender young man garbed in the green of the fields appeared. He was none other than Link, legendary already, and now one of the five Chosen. One down, four to go.  
  
Link seemed extremely bemused. He was staring around him wide-eyed, like the time when he had nicked the Master Sword from the Pedestal of Time as a kid, and then his eyes fell on Rauru. He did a triple take.  
  
"Rauru!" he cried. "What the heck is going on? One minute I was doing the washing up, and then – here I am in this place! C'mon, it's not April fools day yet."  
  
Rauru ignored the last remark.  
  
"Didn't you hear what was said when you were rising up from the Triforce?"  
  
"Um, yeah, something about a hose pipe –"Link was obviously as deaf as a dingbat.  
  
"Hose pipe?" Rauru repeated in bewilderment. "There was nothing said about a hose pipe. I think you need your ears syringeing, Link." He chuckled. "I said you are one of the Chosen."  
  
Link looked at Rauru with a sardonic glint in his eye.  
  
"Well, that's news to me."  
  
"Believe me. The Chosen consists of five heroes, and they will save the world in times of great distress." Rauru explained this rather like a mother would explain where babies came from to her son. Suddenly Link seemed annoyed.  
  
"I'm one of the Chosen? That's not fair! If there's more than one hero out there, I should be given a break! I don't even get paid for this job, you know!" he exploded, a vein throbbing at his temple. Rauru blinked.  
  
"You are the best hero I know, Link. This time, one hero isn't enough. I think five will suffice."  
  
"Five?!" Link groaned. "What, has Ganondorf found out how to clone himself or something?"  
  
"All in good time, Link," Rauru said back, indicating that the event would be explained later. "I need to summon the rest of the Chosen."  
  
Rauru raised his arms, then paused, as he saw that Link was still standing on the middle of the Triforce. He gave the Hero of Time a reproachful look.  
  
"Link, I'd move away from the Triforce if I were you, unless you want someone's head to go up your behind."  
  
It took Link a few seconds to work out what Rauru was saying (those directional words were so confusing), then he rather awkwardly stood on Darunia's medallion, looking vaguely around him. He had that washing up to finish when he got back home.  
  
Rauru continued the summoning process. Again, a blinding light shone forth, and another figure, smaller this time, emerged from the Triforce. And as Link turned his head to view this second hero, he gasped.  
  
It was a female! A girl! A heroine!  
  
She was rather small and Sheik-like in appearance, with long blond hair and ragged clothes. She seemed to be half shut off from the world; she had a closed look about which suggested that she kept herself to herself. And as Link continued to gape, Rauru spoke:  
  
"Viscen of Holodrum, you have been summoned by the Crest to aid your people."  
  
And the girl called Viscen looked just as out of it as Link did. She blinked.  
  
"Did I get the wrong number?" she asked. 


	3. Chapter 2: Zelda's Twin

Chapter 2: Zelda's Twin  
  
Now it was Rauru's turn to blink.  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"I mean, well, this obviously isn't Horon Village." The girl named Viscen was looking in slight alarm at Rauru. It was probably the hair (or what was left of it). "That's where I was. Now, I'm some kind of Twilight Zone –"  
  
"Join the club!" Link regained use of his vocal cords, and, getting over the shock of Viscen being a female, started to sympathise with her.  
  
Viscen turned to meet Link's gaze with her deep red eyes. He was instantly reminded of Sheik (who had actually turned out to be Zelda in disguise, her being the cross dressing woman she is). It was the first time that Viscen had registered his presence, and her gaze seemed to bore into Link's very soul, as if she was reading his mind...  
  
"So you're the Hero of Time..." she said in a mysterious, vague tone. Link blinked, taking a step back. Apparently she knew who he was. Maybe she had read his mind.  
  
"Yes, I can read minds, Link," she spoke again, freaking Link and good and proper by this time. "I take it I've been called here to run some special errand for the mystical Sages of Hyrule, have I not?" she turned back to face Rauru.  
  
"You take it right," he smiled (a smile!? From Rauru!?). Then he turned to Link. "Viscen has been called as one of the Chosen because of her abilities. She is renowned in Holodrum for this and was actually an attendant of the Oracle of Seasons once, weren't you?" his head turned again in the direction of Viscen, who was nodding.  
  
"So I am one of the Chosen..." she began.  
  
"Yes. You and Link are the first to be called. Link is obviously one of the Chosen as he is already a Legend," Rauru explained (more to Link than to Viscen, who already had a small understanding from extracting information out of Rauru).  
  
Link pulled a face.  
  
"Well, I feel special. I think the reason you picked me is because everyone else in Hyrule is too lazy to save their butts."  
  
"I think that may be part of it." Viscen smiled at Link. It looked like a new friendship was forming.  
  
"Yes. Well. We can't stand around chatting all day," Rauru coughed, ignoring the insult from Link aimed at his own people. "Introductions will be made when all five Chosen have been summoned, and there are still three more to be called."  
  
He raised his arms again. Viscen, already aware of what was about to happen, calmly walked from the Triforce and stood patiently on Impa's Medallion.  
  
The light was created again. Rauru was beginning the calling process again. The third Chosen would appear any moment now...  
  
And the Chosen's identity was clarified as the figure appeared from the Triforce.  
  
"Luma of Termina, you have been summoned by the Crest to aid your people."  
  
As the figure appeared, it was certain to Link's disbelieving eyes that this was another female heroine. Where were all the males in this profession?  
  
Link's eyes met with the girl's. And he couldn't help but gasp.  
  
She was the spitting image of Princess Zelda. Except for the fact that she had brown hair and purple eyes, she could have been Zelda's twin. She was wearing a long and elegant dress that showed off her slim figure, and there was a Crest of Hyrule upon her chest.  
  
She looked frightened. Before Rauru could welcome her, she had begun screaming like a five-year old that didn't get the pony she wanted for Christmas.  
  
"Help me! Where am I? I've been kidnapped!"  
  
She sure acts like Zelda too, Link thought, a smile upon his face. Maybe they are related.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Viscen give him a reproachful look.  
  
Damn, I forgot she could read minds, he said to himself. I'll have to stop thinking from now on.  
  
Rauru was trying to calm the hysterical Zelda-twin down. She was yelling something about calling the Mayor of Clock Town to whoop his kidnapping ass. Or words to that effect.  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
Both Rauru and the Zelda lookalike called Luma were silenced as Viscen shouted from behind. They turned to face her.  
  
"Who do you think you are?" Viscen said calmly to Luma. "Princess Zelda?" she exchanged looks with Link, who was desperately trying not to laugh.  
  
"Princess Zelda?" Luma said pompously. "I have never heard of a 'Princess Zelda' in my life! Nor am I a Princess. I may look like it, but I just come from a rich family." Luma turned to Rauru, poison flashing in her violet eyes. "What is the meaning of this?" she continued to rant, waving her gloved hands about and narrowly missing Link's head with it. "Where am I? You have kidnapped me! Release me, right this moment!"  
  
She looked like she was about to cry. Rauru looked like he was about to explode. But he kept his temper under control.  
  
"Luma, you have been called here on a special mission. You are one of the Chosen, as are the two you see before you." Rauru waved an arm towards Link and Viscen. "I see you have a royal temperament, but, coming from a parallel universe of Hyrule, you must be the alternate Princess Zelda, so it's no surprise to me."  
  
Luma's attitude changed at once.  
  
"A mission?" she gasped, eyes wide. "Wow! I've never been on a mission before! Father always made me stay at home. I never got to use my magic either. He thought I was a witch." She sighed, and the violet of her eyes faded to a miserable grey for a second. Link was struck with compassion for this extraordinary girl. How... strange. One minute she was like a right cow, and now, she was as cool as Viscen! He would have to get used to her mood swings.  
  
Rauru smiled again. "Yes, you have been called to aid your fellow universe, Hyrule, because believe your magical prowess will be of great use to the Chosen. Welcome to the club."  
  
Luma smiled. She understood she wasn't being kidnapped, but she was about to embark on a life-changing mission!  
  
But then she suddenly pouted, a frown upon her face.  
  
"You didn't summon my makeup!" 


	4. Chapter 3: Past Tense

Chapter 3: Past Tense  
  
"How can I save the world looking like a man?" Luma moaned as she stood on Ruto's Medallion, biting her lip in anxiety. Viscen looked disgusted at this girl, vain as she was. Viscen didn't really care how she looked; she was a heroine – a real one.  
  
Link felt insulted by Luma's comment.  
  
"Er, excuse me, but what exactly is that supposed to mean?" he asked her, a hint of annoyance in his words. Luma blinked, playing the fool.  
  
"Pardon?" she said in a snobby voice, a small mirror in one hand. Link felt like slapping her, but he knew better than to do that. He might hurt his hand.  
  
"You just said you looked like a man."  
  
"What? I have never been more insulted in my life!" Luma screamed, hair flying out as she retaliated. "I know what I say, Mr Hero. And I didn't say that."  
  
And so she returned to her reflection. Link was bitter as he turned his back on her to face Rauru.  
  
"So, who's next then, Rauru?" he said, as Rauru raised his arms ready for the fourth Chosen.  
  
"All in good time, Link," he replied, smiling, as the light began to glow again. It reflected into Luma's mirror and blinded her temporarily. Her screeches could just be heard over Rauru's words:  
  
"Metis of Labrynna, you have been summoned by the Crest to aid your people."  
  
"Let's hope it's a man this time," Link said sourly as the person began to rise forth from the Triforce.  
  
His hopes were answered. A young man appeared, about Link's age, Sage-like in description. He had golden hair that seemed to glow mysteriously in the light. It was spiked at the back. He wore a deep purple cape around his shoulders, giving the impression that he was a magician or a wizard.  
  
This man called Metis actually didn't seem shocked at all. On the contrary, it looked as if he had expected to be summoned as he calmly turned to face Rauru. Metis and Viscen seemed to be of the same composure.  
  
"Rauru, my old friend," he said in a deep and wise sounding voice. "What troubles Hyrule this time?"  
  
Uh, so he's not my age then, Link thought in bemusement. If Rauru's his old friend, he must be some sort of Sagey person too.  
  
"It will be told soon, Metis," Rauru said warmly in reply. "The Chosen are to be gathered first."  
  
Metis looked around him in interest. Luma's eyes lit up, which made Viscen pull a face that clearly said 'typical woman'.  
  
"Very different from the Chosen I worked with all those years ago," he stated, returning his gaze to the Light Sage.  
  
"You what?" Link said, bewildered. "You mean there's been other Chosen before?"  
  
"Exactly," Rauru said, nodding solemnly. "There always has been. And there always will be."  
  
"I do not age by appearance," Metis said in his calming voice. "My soul grows older, but I remain as young as I allow. I am a magician, you see," he added, confirming Link's earlier suspicions, "and I am the oldest member of the Chosen. I'll enjoy working with you all," he finished, walking as calmly as his voice over to Saria's Medallion. Luma's violet eyes followed him all the way, her mouth practically dropped to the floor, unable to speak. Metis did not seem to notice, however.  
  
Link, who was on Darunia's spot next to Metis, was curious about the previous Chosen. He examined the magician with interest.  
  
"So, what were the other Chosen like then?" Link said almost conversationally. Metis looked at him with his green eyes, and for a second Link felt as if he was being punished for doing something wrong. But then Metis's eyes cleared the strange expression, and he smiled slightly.  
  
"They were none other than four of the Sages that usually rest here in this Chamber," he said. There was a pregnant pause. Link felt his mouth open.  
  
"But who –?"  
  
"I can tell you are a curious lad," Metis said, deceiving his youthful image, and giving away the age of his soul. "But that is something that I could never say to someone as young as you. Ask me nothing more, Hero of Time."  
  
And Link could only gape at him like a goldfish, shocked at his words. Metis sensed this.  
  
"You will find out, sooner or later, my friend," he spoke again, looking straight ahead, as though into the future. "But I suppose you have worked out that I was once a Sage from the information I told you."  
  
"Well, actually, no," Link said, thrown right into the deep end by this new information. "You used to be a Sage? Why aren't you now?"  
  
And Metis came up with the strangest answer yet:  
  
"Because my soul which classed me as a Sage was stolen from me by Ganondorf. I turned to the Chosen to avenge his cruel actions. I will always hate him for what he did to my past life."  
  
Woah, Link managed to think. Then his attention was averted to the Triforce symbol, as it began to glow again. 


	5. Chapter 4: Calm Before the Storm

Chapter 4: Calm Before the Storm  
  
The fifth and last Chosen was about to be summoned. All figures stood in the Chamber held their breath as a dark image rose up from the floor. And Rauru's voice echoed into the waiting silence:  
  
"Cavet of Koholint, you have been summoned by the Crest to aid your people."  
  
And so the last hero rose up and into the Chamber. The mist cleared, and the other Chosen got a clear look at the completed team.  
  
They did not like what they saw.  
  
The last Chosen was another young man (much to Link's relief), with raven black hair and hawk-like eyes that glimmered yellow in the light.  
  
I wonder what diet he's following, Link thought as he observed the man's eyes.  
  
He had a scar across his left cheek, and overall, he didn't look very special. In fact, he looked nothing more than a young boy who got into street fights for a living. He glared round at them all.  
  
"What the hell?" he spluttered, sounding just like a young boy who got into street fights for a living. Metis blinked, disapproving. Link felt he had something in common with this new hero already. It was a small world, after all.  
  
Rauru was slightly taken aback by Cavet's behaviour. He seemed aggressive. His fists were raised as if he would have liked nothing better than to punch the nearest thing to him.  
  
"Cavet of Koholint," Rauru said in a calm voice. "You are one of the Chosen, and you have been called here to save the world of Hyrule."  
  
Cavet blinked at Rauru, not sure of what he had got himself caught up in. His gaze then travelled over his fellow heroes, not liking what he saw.  
  
"Who are these then?" he asked roughly, jabbing a finger in the direction of the remaining Chosen. Each was offended, and Luma was about to make this clear to him.  
  
"Excuse me, but who exactly do you think you are?" she said in a cold voice to him. Cavet blinked, taken aback by the sudden voice of this female. He frowned in reply.  
  
"What's it to you?"  
  
"That's no way to speak to a lady!"  
  
"Oh, yeah?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Erm, Luma, Cavet –"Rauru tried to take hold of the situation, but without success. He let them carry on for ten minutes or so until they ran out of breath to reply to each other's insults. Then he began again.  
  
"Right. Cavet, these people are the rest of the Chosen. You are a group of elite heroes and heroines who unite when any one of your lands is in peril. This time, it is Hyrule."  
  
Link slapped a hand to his forehead. Cavet seemed to calm down, and looked curiously at each Chosen in turn.  
  
"You mean... we've got to like, work together as a team?" he said, sounding shocked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
The look the Chosen then gave each other was one and the same:  
  
This is going to take a miracle!  
  
"I think, Rauru, you're being a bit ambitious here," Link said, tapping his foot impatiently. "I mean, getting us to work as a team is about as likely as Ganondorf giving us sweets."  
  
There was a chorus of agreements from Luma and Cavet, who already seemed to hate each other. Viscen rolled her eyes.  
  
"You'll manage," Rauru said briskly. "Now, introductions. Then you can all be on your merry way to the source of the problem and hopefully we can all live happily ever after.  
  
"Now, I want you all to introduce yourselves. No insults, either," he added, glaring at Luma and Cavet. Cavet could only stare.  
  
"You mean, like a therapy circle?" he sounded hollow.  
  
"Exactly," Rauru nodded grimly. "Link, you can start us off."  
  
All eyes turned to the young Hero of Time. He looked like a rabbit caught in the glare of an approaching car's headlights. He blinked.  
  
"Um, yeah. Hi, I'm Link, and I, well, I'm a Hero."  
  
Silence. He turned slightly red. Cavet applauded sarcastically, his claps echoing in the stillness of the Chamber.  
  
"Don't put him on the spot," Viscen said wearily to Cavet, who seemed rather afraid of this foreboding figure. He shrank back into the shadows.  
  
"I'll speak," Viscen continued, looking around at them all with her red eyes. "My name is Viscen, and I am from Holodrum. My ability is to psychokinetic telepathy, and also agility."  
  
She nodded to each of them in turn, then fell silent. Each of them did not know what to say to this, but Luma spoke up anyway.  
  
"As you all know, my name is Luma. Lumedaria Carme Enceladus the Fourth to be exact, but Luma will suffice. I do indeed have magic powers of my own, but was prevented from using them by my overprotective father. I hail from Termina, which according to my knowledge is a parallel universe of Hyrule. Furthermore –"  
  
"Okay, someone shut the motor mouth up, she likes the sound of her own voice too much," Cavet said loudly, causing Luma to stare daggers at him. He obliged by returning the compliment.  
  
"You are an ungrateful pig," Luma said rudely to him, and she turned her back on the group. Cavet stuck his tongue out at her and made an inappropriate gesture with his fingers. Rauru gave him a warning look, and he ceased.  
  
"Well, if you two are quite finished," Rauru began, but Cavet had obviously not had his say yet.  
  
"There's no way I'm going near her."  
  
Rauru raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yes you are."  
  
"Oh, no I'm not."  
  
"This isn't a pantomime!" Link said loudly. "It's Metis's turn to speak."  
  
"Thank you Link, my friend." Metis got the group's attention. He looked around at them all with those startlingly green eyes of his, and Luma practically melted. Clearing his throat, he introduced himself.  
  
"My name is Metis. I hail from Labrynna, although I was a Sage of Hyrule once – I say once, because I in fact had another soul, which was Hylian, but Ganondorf stole it from me, granted. I had to opt for a magician's soul, and he came from Labrynna.  
  
"And so here I am, one of the Chosen. My tale is indeed a confusing one, but you need not remember it. We are here to unite against Dragmire, and I shall avenge my past life."  
  
Metis's speech ended, and the whole Chamber burst into applause. Metis actually blushed for a moment or two, looking almost like Link, and his soul didn't seem so old. He turned to Cavet, the last one to speak. He cleared his throat, ready to campaign.  
  
"Okay. So it's my turn. Last but not least and all that, right? My name's Cavet. Don't ask me why my Mom decided on a name like that. But that was eighteen years ago now, so it doesn't matter. I have no idea why I've been chosen as a hero, 'cause most of the time I'm lazing around on my butt. But I can be a pretty tough fighter at times, which could be why I'm here now. Oh, and as an afterthought, I'm from Koholint."  
  
There was scattered applause from Viscen and Metis, and a friendly smile from Link and Rauru. Luma remained unimpressed. As the chatter rose up before they were transported away to the chaos that was Hyrule, Luma leaned over to Cavet and hissed in his ear:  
  
"Let the battle commence. And it's not going to be us against Ganondorf!"  
  
Uh oh, looks like trouble... 


	6. Chapter 5: And then there were Six?

Chapter 5: And then there were Six!?  
  
"So, er... run that through me again. What exactly are we meant to be doing?" Link asked, utterly bemused. Four pairs of eyes looked back at him, each wondering how someone so out of it could become one of the greatest warriors of all time.  
  
The Chosen were no longer stood in the Chamber of Sages. They had been transported directly to the Temple of Time, and now they stood, next to the altar, hardly daring to venture outside. What would they find?  
  
Rauru had given them the low-down on the situation, of course. Six of the Sages were now imprisoned by Ganondorf somewhere in Hyrule, and it was up to them to free their spirits and call their power back. However, there were a few catches: one, the Sages' powers were sealed within the Triforce of Power – which Ganondorf was holding. It was going to be one hell of a job to steal it from him. Two, Rauru had said that the Sages' whereabouts were actually unknown – so it was no use getting their powers back if they didn't know where they were. This meant that the Chosen not only had to get the Sages' powers back, they had to find the actual Sages as well. And thirdly, the Chosen had to work together as a team, which would be the hardest task of them all.  
  
Of course, this had drifted over Link's head completely, as he thought he didn't need to know all this. How wrong he was. Now, as he stood bemused before the others, they could almost see a 'dunce' cap resting on his head, instead of that oversized green sack he wore now.  
  
Viscen slowly and clearly repeated the dilemma to Link, rather in the way that a mother would explain to her child how one add one couldn't possibly make three. Link managed to get it about five minutes after Viscen had finished. His eyes lit up.  
  
"So, we have to rescue each of the Six Sages, namely Saria, Darunia, Ruto, Impa, Nabooru and Zelda, get them safely back to the Chamber of Sages, then find Ganondorf and release the Sages' powers from the Triforce he holds," he said. The rest nodded.  
  
"But I'm trying to think of how the hell we're going to manage it as a team," Cavet said, casting a sideways glance of hatred towards Luma. She didn't notice this. Metis looked thoughtful. He looked towards Viscen, as if conferring with her (as the two of them seemed to be the 'leaders' of the group), then spoke aloud.  
  
"I think I have an idea. I believe that the Six Sages will be in six different places – I even believe that they may be in their respective Temple. Viscen agrees with me. So what I propose is that each of us chooses a Sage, and goes to rescue him or her on their own. It would make this part of the mission a whole lot quicker as well.  
  
"After each Sage has been rescued, we then join up again, and go to face Ganondorf as a team. I do not think there is any easier away around that," he finished, looking at Cavet in particular. "And Cavet, that means you get to avoid Luma for longer then. What does everybody think?"  
  
There was a moment's silence where everybody thought about it (and Luma sighed dreamily, as Metis knew her name), then Link spoke.  
  
"I think it's a great idea. However, there is one tiny problem."  
  
"What?"  
  
"There are Six Sages, and five Chosen."  
  
"Oops..."  
  
"We can get around that easily," Viscen said, rescuing Metis from shame. "You are a magician, are you not, Metis?" she turned to him, and he nodded. "Well, then. It should be easy! Could you not duplicate yourself so there are two of you, and each of you rescue a Sage?"  
  
Luma almost screamed with excitement at this new proposal. Two for the price of one! It was too good to be true. Metis seemed to be happy with this though.  
  
"I could do that, yes," he smiled at Viscen (which made Luma want to kill her). "I couldn't clone myself perfectly though – that is impossible. I could create another person that embodies all of my traits. He would disappear if I commanded him too, as well."  
  
"Sounds good," Link said, impatient to choose his Sage and begin the mission. There was something about adventures that made him feel truly alive, somehow. He began tapping his foot again, eager to be off. "Which Sage do we all want, then?"  
  
"Woah, hold your horses, Linky boy," Cavet said. "Isn't Metis going to duplicate himself, or what?"  
  
Link frowned at this. How long was it going to take?  
  
"Yes, I shall," Metis said. Raising his arms, he summoned a staff out of thin air, silver in colour. Holding it tightly, he waved it about in a complicated manner, and for about five seconds he was surrounded in a mass of purple clouds. When the mist cleared, there stood not one Metis, but two. Luma almost fainted with lust.  
  
The second Metis could be easily recognised. Instead of his hair being golden, it was jet black. His clothes, although the same as the original Metis's, were also pure black. However, his eyes were identical to those of his twin. He looked around, then bowed low. The original Metis seemed pleased.  
  
"My spell was a success. Viscen, that was a very good idea of yours. Now, there is a Sage for everybody. We can choose one each."  
  
"Hang on," Cavet said, his eyes still on the new arrival of Metis 2. "Shouldn't you call that other dude a different name? It's gonna be confusing calling him 'Metis' as well."  
  
"Yes, but you won't really see him for long," Metis said, frowning slightly. "After all, he will be gone as soon as his Sage is safe. But, since you insist..."  
  
Metis thought for a moment. Then he said.  
  
"Everyone, I would like to introduce you to Ananke."  
  
Metis 2 – well, Ananke – grinned, a shadow of Metis. Everybody grinned at him, then bowed low in return. Luma privately preferred the real Metis, however nice Ananke was. Link smiled.  
  
"Now, let's get this mission on the road!" 


	7. Chapter 6: It's Sage Choosin' Time!

Chapter 6: It's Sage Choosin' Time!  
  
"It's Sage choosin' time!" Cavet crowed. He rubbed his hands together in glee, thinking of the possibilities.  
  
"Right," Link said. He and Metis were the only ones who had actually seen all the Sages, so they could choose easily. The others didn't know what they were in for. Cavet seemed to have a plan in mind. He walked over to Link, grinning, and put his arm round him.  
  
"So, Link," he began, "since you're the Hero of Time and all that, you must have met all the Sages."  
  
Link nodded, scared of what the conversation was leading up to.  
  
"Well..." Cavet paused, then carried on. "Could you tell me the cutest Sage, so I can go and rescue her?"  
  
Link's eyes grew wide. "You want to hit on a Sage?"  
  
"Sure," Cavet's yellow eyes gleamed. "I mean, mortals, I've tried plenty of them, but they're all bimbos. I want a real woman. Which Sage would you say I'd like, Link?"  
  
Link was shocked, but an evil voice in his head was telling him to give Cavet a taste of his own medicine...  
  
"Okay, Cavet, I'll tell you a really hot Sage," he grinned, his mind working furiously. Cavet looked delighted, totally oblivious to Link's evil scheme.  
  
"His na– I mean, her name's Darunia," Link whispered (so Metis couldn't hear him) in Cavet's ear. "You'll love her."  
  
"Aw, thanks, man!" Cavet said in ecstasy. All Link could do was smile serenely. Well, Darunia was a hot Sage, wasn't he?  
  
"Hey everybody, I'm rescuing Darunia!" Cavet yelled to the group. Metis nodded.  
  
"Okay. Cavet will rescue the Fire Sage. Darunia's temple is the Fire Temple. It is located inside the Death Mountain Crater. You may go when ready. Good luck."  
  
"Okay, I'm off now!" he yelled, impatient to get his hands on that hot Sage. He practically sprinted the length of the Temple of Time, only stopping to wave farewell to his teammates.  
  
"Meet us back here when you've rescued Darunia!" Metis called to him.  
  
"Good luck!" from Link, grinning evilly.  
  
"Be careful!" from Viscen.  
  
"Good riddance!" from Luma.  
  
Cavet cursed Luma under his breath, then was gone. His mission had started.  
  
"Hey, Metis, is it all right if I rescue Saria?" Link asked. "She's one of my best friends, and well, I find the Forest Temple quite an interesting place – when it's not full of monsters, that is."  
  
"Very well," Metis smiled. "You know where it is. Good luck."  
  
Link said his farewells to the remaining Chosen, then he, too, had disappeared into the darkness that was Hyrule. Now only three (not including Ananke) remained.  
  
"I think I shall choose for myself now," Metis announced. "I shall rescue the Princess Zelda, and Ananke shall rescue Nabooru, the Spirit Sage. That leaves the Water Sage Ruto and the Shadow Sage, Impa."  
  
"I like the sound of the water Sage," Luma said. "I'll rescue him or her."  
  
"Ruto is a female," Metis smiled, making Luma go weak at the knees. "Do you know where Lake Hylia is?" when Luma nodded, Metis smiled again. "The Water Temple is there. Good luck."  
  
"And to you, too," Luma replied dreamily, and she floated out into Hyrule.  
  
"That leaves me with Impa, then," Viscen said. Metis nodded.  
  
"I think you too will get along," he said wryly. "The Kakariko Graveyard is where the Shadow Temple lies. But be careful, Viscen. The Shadow Temple is probably the deadliest temple of them all. Good luck. I know you won't let us down."  
  
"I won't be put off by your warning," Viscen smiled in reply. "Good luck, and you too, Ananke."  
  
Viscen took one look back at Metis, then was gone in a flash.  
  
"Just us, Ananke," Metis said quietly. It gave him a strange feeling, to be talking to himself. "Maybe Zelda will be in the Temple of Light?"  
  
Ananke, who had been silent since his creation, nodded, but still didn't utter a word.  
  
He waved his own staff (which was also black), and disappeared in a cloud of blue smoke. Metis was left to face the empty temple alone now.  
  
"The Temple of Light is situated in the Sacred Realm," he said aloud. "That means travelling through the Door of Time."  
  
Metis walked the opposite way to his teammates, through the Door of Time, and stood next to the Pedestal of Time, which has held the Master sword. He was enveloped by the shaft of bright light that drifted in through a window above him. He looked up, silently sending a good luck to his teammates, and was transported to the world beyond, ready to commence his quest.  
  
And so it began. The race for Hyrule was on! 


	8. Chapter 7: A Few Chosen Troubles

Chapter 7: A Few Chosen Troubles  
  
The first thing Ananke did when he waved his staff in the Temple of Time was not to teleport to the Desert Colossus as he was meant to, but instead, strangely, to the place where Hyrule Castle had once stood.  
  
Ganon's Castle.  
  
You may well ask why the hell he did that. Well, didn't your mum ever tell you not to trust people in black? Here's the evidence proving she was right.  
  
Ananke's feet crunched beneath the remnants of bones that littered the path to the sinister tower. His sharp green eyes gleamed in the darkness. The wind ruffled at his black hair.  
  
There was a gap between the door and Ananke. All he did to cross it was jump. He was a magician, after all. Reaching the other side easily, he grinned at his own arrogance, glanced around warily for a minute (as if Metis could see what he was doing), then entered the tower, the darkness swallowing him up. What was he up to?  
  
***  
  
"What the fuck?" were Link's first words as he approached the Forest Temple, for the first time in seven years. It had changed somewhat. Sure, the outside walls were still intact, but the tree that Link had used to pull himself up to the ruined stairway had disappeared. Only a charred black stump remained. Link had his suspicions that that stupid Skullkid was responsible – the one he had refused to give the Skull Mask when he was a kid. The little cretin.  
  
All Link could do was swear in the hope that someone would hear him and come to his assistance. How was he going to get up without that tree? To top it off, there were no vines that he could climb either. He tapped his foot impatiently.  
  
"Why can't they just leave the forest alone?" he muttered under his breath. "We should be conserving trees and saving the environment, or whatever."  
  
Although he could clearly see the tree wasn't there, he got the Hookshot out regardless and tried to get up by embedding the point within a crack in the wall. All it did was chink against the brick hopelessly, causing Link to swear even louder.  
  
Half an hour later and he was sitting under the stairway, still unable to get up. He had tried climbing up the concrete posts that held the stairs in place, but he couldn't even grab onto one – a voice kept booming in his ear, telling him that the 'controller doesn't allow games characters to grab a hold of things like this. Try looking for an alternate route.'  
  
"WHAT IS THIS, A BLOODY GAME!?" Link had then screamed, as the voice spoke out for what seemed like the hundredth time. Link was completely right, of course. He was a game character, and trying to grab hold of posts and climbing up them was cheating (exactly like Zelda 64, isn't it?).  
  
"I CAN'T FIND AN ALTERNATE ROUTE!" Link yelled at the sky (he thought the voice was probably coming from someone sitting on a cloud or something), brandishing a fist at the same time and nearly punching himself in the face. "DO YOU THINK I'D BE TRYING TO CLIMB THE CRAPPY POST IF I HAD!?"  
  
Link was really losing it...  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, how was Cavet faring?  
  
Since he believed he was rescuing a sexy female Sage, he had already reached the Death Mountain Crater, and had tried to enter it, but the intense heat had driven him out. He had sworn loudly to the Mountain Gods (if there were any) that he would get his own back on them.  
  
Trying to find an alternate way around the problem (no, the weird voice hadn't spoken to him, he had used his initiative), he had backtracked down the mountain, and come across Goron City. Of course, he didn't know who or what was in there, and reckless as he was, he rushed straight in.  
  
Cavet had never seen a Goron before, and it came as a shock to see these rock-like things rolling around the place. He had stared at them for quite a while, and especially when one had stopped his rolling and actually walked up to him. Cavet saw dark beady eyes and fat lips. He screamed like a girl. It was a monster!  
  
"ARGH!" he jumped back a couple of metres. The Goron stared at him. Cavet stopped screaming and stared back.  
  
"First one to blink," Cavet said, his eyes watering. The Goron blinked out of bemusement. Cavet grinned.  
  
"I win! I win!" he crowed, thrusting his fists in the air and causing the poor Goron to walk back a couple of paces. When Cavet ceased his celebration, the Goron summoned up the courage to talk to him.  
  
"Erm, hello?" he managed. Cavet stopped and stared in astonishment.  
  
"You can speak?" he said, awestruck. The Goron was even more shocked.  
  
"Of course I can speak," he said back. "Did you think I was a caveman or something?"  
  
"Well, you do live in a cave," Cavet observed, looking round him in slight interest. "Nice interior design you got," he said, spotting the drawings on the walls. Then he turned back to the Goron. "Anyway, you're not a caveman or a monster?"  
  
"Certainly not," the Goron smiled, taking this as a good sign. "We are Gorons, the rock-eating race who have sworn allegiance to the Hyrule Royal Family. Or, we did, but now Ganondorf has like, taken over – again. We're in hiding. We dare not go outside the City."  
  
"Aha! That's where I come in, little Goobon!" Cavet cried, mishearing the Goron and pointing his finger in the air as a pose. "I've come here to save you!"  
  
Cavet cleared his throat, then thrust his hand into the air again. Looking down at the rest of the Goron population, he yelled at the top of his voice.  
  
"For lo! I am the Chosen Cavet and I am here to tell you that you are not alone! I am your Golden Sailor! Your Gravy Boat! And your, um, Hero! Now, how to I get into the Death Mountain Crater without getting a burnt backside?"  
  
Silence. All the Gorons could do was stare.  
  
"Um, you're a gravy boat?" the Goron next to him repeated. "Don't you mean Saviour?"  
  
Cavet realised what he had said, and tried to recover some cred.  
  
"I meant that! Gravy Boat's like, a new title for that! Yeah! But honestly, you Growbons must walk around that crater sometime, what?"  
  
The Goron gave up on trying to correct Cavet anymore, and nodded. Cavet grinned down at him.  
  
"I like your style, mate! Have you got something a handsome guy like me could wear so that I don't become next year's Christmas dinner? I mean, nobody's perfect."  
  
"Since you're here to save us, erm, 'Gravy Boat', yes, I do," the Goron replied, smiling up at him. "It is called the Goron Tunic. Would you like to come with me to try one on?"  
  
"Now we're talkin'," Cavet said, as he began to walk in the little Goron's wake. "I can't wait to get my hands on that Sage," he murmured under his breath.  
  
Hmm, so he was doing better than Link...  
  
***  
  
And what about Luma? Well, she had managed to get as far as Lake Hylia, then had stopped at the water's edge. She gazed down at her reflection in the water.  
  
"Water?" she said in disgust. "Nobody told me about any water. I can't do it!"  
  
She almost had a tantrum, but thought better of it, as no one was around to see her. She looked up in frustration.  
  
"This Chosen lark is hard work! I can't go in any water of any kind – my makeup will be ruined!"  
  
She continued to talk in this vein for some ten minutes, until she realised something.  
  
"Waaiit... I am one of the Chosen. I have magic powers. Why don't I just cast a spell to make me waterproof?"  
  
Grinning at her own brilliance, she raised her hands in the air. Focusing her mind on the one thing she wanted (to be waterproof), she cast her spell.  
  
But do you remember that Luma hadn't used magic before, since her father had stopped her? Well, he probably did it for the best, as...  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Luma screamed as she saw her reflection in the water.  
  
She looked like a fish!  
  
"NOOOO! What's happened to my face?" she moaned. Looking down at her body, she saw small flippers protruding from her arms and legs. Her scales were beautiful in a strange way. In fact, she hadn't transformed herself into any old kind of fish...  
  
She had, by chance, turned herself into a Zora!  
  
But Luma wasn't to know that. She, like Cavet, had never seen any native inhabitants of Hyrule before, so she thought she was now some kind of mutant fish – an experiment gone wrong. Yet if she was now an amphibian...  
  
"I suppose it can't hurt if I try to swim underneath the water like this," she said weakly. "After all, I don't know a counter-spell to reverse the effect."  
  
She cautiously dipped a foot into the water, expecting it to be ice cold. Instead, it felt refreshingly warm. Unable to resist, she then dived right in, forgetting her distress and her appearance for a full minute.  
  
"I can SWIM!" she said in delight (since she was a Zora, speaking underwater was second nature to her), as her flippers allowed her to turn direction deftly and at ease. She was quite enjoying herself, until, twenty- five minutes later, she remembered that she was meant to be rescuing the Water Sage.  
  
"Ulp, better find this Water Temple then," Luma said. She swam around under the lake for a further few minutes until she found herself up against a wrought iron gateway. Beyond that loomed blackness.  
  
"This must be it," she said, putting a webbed hand to her face in thought. "But how to open the door?"  
  
She swam upwards in desperation, perhaps thinking a switch was above water. In her rush, she didn't notice the huge and very obvious yellow thing above her head that was floating on the surface of the water.  
  
"OUCH!" the top of her head made contact with it. There was a sound of metal scraping against metal, and through the haze of stars, Luma saw that the doorway was opening. She had done it!  
  
"Well, I definitely used my head for that one," she commented, and began to swim towards the darkness. "Here we go..."  
  
Better luck than the others, then, even if she was a fish.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Viscen was stood in the Kakariko Village Graveyard, the rain pouring down her face. There was something sinister about the place that gave her the creeps. But they wanted her to think that, didn't they? Whoever 'they' were.  
  
Viscen had been attacked by a couple of Poes as she had made her way to the back of the Graveyard. They had ignored her when she had shouted at them for directions, and merely continued to swing their lanterns around at her like an old lady would swing her bag at a man trying to steal it. However, old ladies do not cackle as annoyingly as Poes do, so Viscen had been forced to use a little of her magic to keep them at bay. But eventually, she had made it.  
  
The entrance to the temple was over a small ledge in front of her. There was also a fence barring the path – some bright spark had put it there to ward of nosy people, no doubt. But no one in their right mind would want to go near that place; I mean, come on; you'd have to be a Poe or something...  
  
"ARGH!" right on cue, a Poe came up behind Viscen as she was looking at the fence, swinging a lantern around its head like a sack of potatoes. It cackled insanely at its own brilliance, and Viscen swore loudly at her complacency. She thrust out a fist, which made satisfying contact with the Poe's ugly face (it didn't disappear in time), and it retreated into a purple haze. Viscen frowned down at it, and returned her gaze to the fence.  
  
Now, the fence might have been a problem had Viscen been someone as weak as Link or Cavet (or Luma maybe), but Viscen was no ordinary Chosen. She made it to the other side of the fence in one leap, proving her place in the league of heroes. She followed the tunnel over the other side of the fence to a large square sort of chamber. (I probably don't need to describe it to you, as you know I'm talking about the place where you have to light the torches with Din's Fire. Right?) Viscen stood on the central platform, knowing exactly what was expected of her, and with one swift spell that was even niftier than Din's Fire, the torches ignited simultaneously. And the stone door, which had predictably been sealed shut, opened slowly (for dramatic effect), grating on the air. Viscen had done it, with hardly any hitches at all.  
  
Smiling to herself, she walked slowly through the door, and was consumed by the darkness.  
  
***  
  
Last but not least, there was Metis. His chosen path was to end at the Temple of Light, and you'd think he would pull his part of the mission off without any hitches, right?  
  
Wrong. Even the most angelic Chosen has problems (in my opinion, Link's the angelic one, but still). He had entered the light in the Temple of Time, but he had not ended up where he was supposed to. Metis knew that the Chamber of Sages was in the Temple of Light, and he had expected the pathway from the Temple of Time to take him there. When he had finished his little trip, he was not in the Chamber of Sages, but was in fact, in a weird dark room that did not look at all like what he was looking for.  
  
Looking round, Metis found himself panicking slightly. Where the hell was he? Had he got stuck in time, and was actually in the place between dimensions? The very thought made Metis shiver with fear. And yet his guess was not so wild...  
  
For as Metis continued to stare around him (and at this point he seemed a lot like Link when he woke up from his seven year sleep), he did not notice the shadow advancing upon him from behind...  
  
Until a hand tapped him on the shoulder. He spun round on impulse, staff raised. And his mouth dropped open in shock.  
  
There before him, stood a very tall and menacing-looking man with a weird mask on his face – or it could have been his real face. It was hard to tell. What Metis could tell, though, is that the man looked remarkably like Ganondorf...  
  
Ready to expect the worst, Metis was even more surprised when the Ganondorf- man, instead of attacking him, started to speak.  
  
"'Scuse me, mate, do you know the way to the Forest Temple from 'ere?"  
  
Metis gaped like a fish (for once in his saintly life). What on Earth was going on? Had he discovered the Twilight Zone?  
  
But no, it couldn't be, Metis reasoned with himself. It was even too weird for the Twilight Zone.  
  
"Who are you?" Metis bravely spoke to the Ganondorf-man.  
  
"You don't know 'oo I am?" the man replied, seeming thoroughly surprised. "Everyone knows me. I'm Phantom Ganon, ain't I? I've been stuck here in limbo for bloody ages, waitin' for someone to come along and get me outta here. But since you don't seem to 'ave a clue where you're goin' either, looks like you're stuck 'ere too. You're in for a long day, mate."  
  
And all Metis wanted was to get to the Temple of Light... 


	9. Chapter 8: Grandma, Is That You?

Chapter 8: Grandma, Is That You?  
  
Although the Adventures of Cavet the Gullible, Luma the Fish, Viscen the Poe-Victim, Metis the Lost Soul (featuring Phantom Ganon) and Ananke the Traitor seem to be extremely exciting and entertaining, I think this chapter should focus on Link and how he gets on in his chosen temple. Get the boring ones out of the way first, eh?  
  
Yet Link was still stuck outside the Forest Temple, still unable to figure out how to get inside. A good few hours had passed by this time, and he was very frustrated indeed. Very. Don't mess with Link when he's frustrated. He may resort to crude hand gestures.  
  
No matter how hard he tried to climb the stupid posts, he couldn't get high enough to get a hold of the ledge above him. He couldn't jump high enough to grab it, either.  
  
But as Link was getting majorly desperate, he got a brainwave. It might just work as well...  
  
Hoping and praying that his idea would work and he wasn't insane, Link carefully got the Hookshot out and placed it strategically on the floor, so that most of the body and the handle were resting upon the grass, but so that he was holding the sharp chain end. Uh oh... what did he have planned?  
  
"Right, Link," he muttered to himself (proving he was insane), sweat dripping off his forehead. "Let's hope this works."  
  
Praying that the sharp end wasn't going to shoot out and hit him in the crotch area, Link stamped as hard as he could on the handle, his grip firm on the chain. What happened next seemed to be what Link had in mind. The chain shot out, and with Link holding that rather than the handle, he shot up with it too.  
  
"AAAAAAAH!?" Link screamed (the question mark is used because in the game it sounds like he's asking a question as he screams. Well, I think so anyway), flying upwards at an alarming rate. But it was working. He hit the wall of the Forest Temple with a distinct thump and then he slid, still holding the Hookshot (which had contracted into its original form), dazed to the floor of the platform.  
  
Finally, after all that time, Link had actually managed to reach his destination. He was going to have one hell of a headache when he woke up though...  
  
***  
  
"Look at all the pwetty lights!" Link chirruped, wobbling in a dazed line down a corridor of the Forest Temple. He was badly concussed from his earlier excursion, and how he got past the two Wolfos at the entrance of the temple is anyone's guess. He probably scared them off by the cross-eyed look on his face.  
  
Still, he had managed it, and now he stumbled into the main room of the temple. Predictably, the flames that belonged to the Poe Sisters were not there. Link, through his pwetty lights, saw this.  
  
"Hey, who turned out the lights?" he said, rather sensibly. He wobbled a little more, so that he was standing in the centre of the room, where the lift usually stood (obviously, he was standing on the lift, as it was lowered). The room seemed to be spinning before his eyes. His concussion was real bad. Or was it concussion?  
  
For suddenly about ten ghost things appeared (spinning) before Link. They formed a close circle around him, and cackled like a hyena on laughing gas. The Poes had arrived!  
  
"Grandma, is that you?" Link said, seeming faintly amused by the masquerade. The Several Poes (who happened to be one and the same – you can probably remember Beth, right? What a bugger to kill) seemed taken aback by this question, if Poes could be taken aback. The real one stared intently at Link, as if scared. Link continued to smile vaguely at random things and wobble precariously on the spot. The Poe cackled. Maybe it was trying to scare Link out of his concussion.  
  
It didn't work though. For Link got an even stronger impression that the Poe was in fact his grandma, and so rushed forward and tried to hug it. With a scream of shock, the Poe rushed out of the way. The fake Beths disappeared, leaving only the real one and Link, who was grinning in that vague, concussed way again.  
  
"Grandma!" he cried, rushing towards Beth again, arms outstretched. "Stop playing games!"  
  
Beth looked like she would rather give up her flame than carry on with the idiot in green any further. So she lit one of the torches surrounding the lift, put out her own, and disappeared, probably to warn her sisters about the maniac wandering around like a zombie. For all Beth knew, her sisters could be Link's Aunt Fanny, Cousin Gladys and Niece Barbara.  
  
Well, at least one flame had been lit. Link's concussion had saved him, so to speak.  
  
But when he saw that Beth had disappeared, he stopped smiling and stood limply in the middle of the floor.  
  
"Grandma?" he said feebly. "Grandma?" 


	10. Chapter 9: Cavet the Gullible

Chapter 9: Cavet the Gullible  
  
I think we'll leave Link and his relatives for now and see how Cavet the Gullible is getting on. Having followed the little Goron (or Groobon, as Cavet called them), he now stood in a kind of fitting room, arms out at his sides like a scarecrow. It was time to wear the Goron Tunic!  
  
"Are you sure I won't look like an idiot?" Cavet asked for the sixteenth time, as the Goron opened various cupboards (stone ones, obviously), pulling out strange looking items here and there. "I mean, I've got a hot date coming up. I want to look my best."  
  
"Well, you won't be hot, that's for sure," the Goron muttered under his breath. He couldn't believe how arrogant this guy was. Who the hell did he think he was? Ganondorf?  
  
Cavet luckily didn't hear him.  
  
"How long does it take you to find a stupid tunic?" he said impatiently. "I haven't got all day, you know."  
  
"Okay, okay, I've found one." The Goron held up a large red tunic to Cavet. "I'm afraid it's the only size we have left. Extra-large."  
  
"WHAT!?" Cavet screamed. "I don't wanna go round looking like a freaking tent!"  
  
The Goron smiled grimly.  
  
"Take it or leave it, bud."  
  
***  
  
"I can't believe I took it," Cavet muttered angrily to himself, stomping across the floor of Death Mountain Crater like some Victorian control freak. The Goron Tunic flapped helplessly round about Cavet's knees, and he wasn't very happy about it. He was sure that Groobon had a smaller size, he just wanted Cavet to look like a prize idiot.  
  
"There is no way that Sage is gonna go for me now," he mumbled, glaring at the floor and almost tripping over the hem of the ridiculous tunic. "I'll just have to impress her with my devilish good looks and irresistible charm."  
  
Jumping easily over the gap between the bridge and the land (well, he is one of the Chosen), Cavet made his way down the ladder that led to the Fire Temple. Finally, his mission had started.  
  
"I bet the others have already rescued their Sages," Cavet stormed to himself, proving he was crazy (first sign you know, talking to yourself). "Why do I get stuck with the freaky little rock-men that give you tents to wear? If I said I wanted to go camping, I would have bloody told him!"  
  
Cavet was still muttering angrily when he entered the first room. He was looking down upon the hard concrete of the floor, so he didn't notice the two Keese swooping down until it was too late.  
  
"ARGH!"  
  
***  
  
"Stupid bloody bats," Cavet moaned as he frantically closed the door behind him. He had chosen the left door, and was covered in bite-marks. Luckily the oversized tunic he was wearing had saved a considerable amount of his life. But he wasn't about to start liking it. Oh no. In fact, Cavet had thought it was the tunic that had caused him to be attacked by the bats – after all, if he hadn't had been moaning about it, he would have been looking up and would have saw the bats and – and – and – oh, forget it. On with the story.  
  
Even more luckily for Cavet, since Link had exploited the Temple seven years ago, he didn't need to venture through the depths of the building to find the 'Boss Key'. Link, him being the nice lad he is (and currently concussed as it were), had left all the doors unlocked. It might have been a different story had Link known that in seven years' time he was going to meet Cavet. But yes, that meant all Cavet had to do was jump over to the boss door (the central pillar had also been knocked down by Link, if you remember), go through and face either a new power or the shock of his life when he discovered who Darunia really was.  
  
Either way, the shock still faced him. The heat from the lave below Cavet's feet caused the air to shimmer before him, making the path forwards a lot more distorted than it really was. But Cavet, being a Chosen and actually hailing from a dream world, was used to the paranormal effects boiling hot lava produced. Hey, maybe he got the same image every time he –  
  
Well, maybe Cavet wasn't the type to dabble in drug taking. Anyway, Cavet didn't even need the central pillar to help him jump across to the boss door. One of his special skills was his strength and agility, after all.  
  
"It's my lucky day," Cavet said, taking a huge bound into the air and floating safely down in front of the boss door, his extra large Goron Tunic acting as a parachute. If only the others could have seen him then! And Cavet was actually wrong about his mission being the longest. In fact (excluding the traitor Ananke), his was about to end... and his fantasy would go horribly pear-shaped in the process.  
  
"Here I come, sexy Sage," Cavet grinned, and, trying to ignore the fact he was wearing a red tent, walked as calmly as he could through the boss door to face his fate.  
  
Well, he didn't know his Sage was a Groobon with a beard, did he? It's not very nice to laugh because he doesn't know something we do.  
  
Oh okay, go on, laugh. He is an arrogant little berk after all.  
  
And we'll join Cavet on the final stretch of his short-lived adventure later. 


	11. Chapter 10: Mutant Water Hedgehogs and L...

Chapter 10: Mutant Water Hedgehogs and Love Rivals  
  
Now we'll move on to see how Luma the fish is getting on. She was the first to enter her chosen temple and so was the first to progress with her mission.  
  
She had explored the main chamber of the temple, and, disliking what she saw, decided to pick one of the numerous corridors at random to see where it took her.  
  
"Eeney, meeney, miney, mo!" Luma shouted, pointing her finger downwards. Opening her eyes, she saw her aim had landed on a submerged corridor to the right of the central pillar in the chamber. She sighed heavily.  
  
"What fun I'm going to have," she said sarcastically, and jumped into the water. Luma, like Cavet, had never experienced the temples before, and so she didn't notice that some spiky ball things were rolling towards her. Well, she did hear the clanking sound they made, but she thought that was her stomach rumbling, so she ignored it.  
  
"Boy, I wish I'd eaten before taking this mission," she said aloud (it's official! The Chosen are insane! They all talk to themselves!), as she reached the corridor she had picked. Landing slowly upon the floor, she went to walk through it, but a movement out of the corner of her eye caused her to turn around. Then she saw the spiky things.  
  
"WAAH!" she screamed at the top of her lungs (a cluster of bubbles emerged from her mouth and floated to the water's surface), as she saw the balls (if you could call them balls when they had their spikes out) rolling nearer and nearer to her. "MUTATED WATER HEDGEHOGS!"  
  
With that, she panicked and started swimming again, down the corridor she had picked previously. She wasn't hanging around to get abducted by those freaks of nature! Luckily the 'mutated water hedgehogs' didn't follow her path down the corridor. They merely paused at her absence, then turned into harmless looking little grey stones.  
  
"Doesn't Hyrule have a pest exterminator?" Luma muttered to herself, kicking her legs as fast as she could, following the course of the corridor. Well, Hyrule did have a pest exterminator, but he was currently concussed and thought that his Grandmother was a Poe. So no hope there then.  
  
Turning yet another corner, Luma was pleased to find that the corridor ended and led into a small room with three unlit torches (well, it was underwater) in it. However, that was not all that was within that room...  
  
"LINK! It's been seven... hang on, you're not Link, are you?"  
  
A female Zora was stood in the middle of the room. Upon hearing her speak, Luma had froze at the entrance and stared, wondering who on earth would choose to stand in a temple with mutated water hedgehogs living in it. The Zora had given Luma a shock. Not just by her actual presence, but also by what she said.  
  
"Link... you know Link as well?" Luma said uncertainly to the Zora. She noticed that the Zora looked very regal and haughty, rather like herself, in fact.  
  
"Of course I know Link. I'm his fiancée!" the female Zora said impatiently. "I've been waiting seven years for him. I was here first! Go and find your own room to stand in to wait for your own fiancée, 'cause you're not getting Link! But hang about..." the Zora seemed confused for a moment. "How do you know Link?"  
  
"I don't know him that well –"Luma began, but then the other Zora went of on a raging tangent.  
  
"Unless you're his secret lover! Yes! That's it, isn't it? You've been having an affair behind my back! Well, you wait 'til I get my hands on that Link! The little two faced – grr! And you! Well, since you're here, I'll deal with you FIRST!"  
  
Fuming, the Zora shot straight at Luma, who only just managed to get out of the way in time. The two of them swam out into the main chamber, scuffling and cursing. Well, Luma was trying to explain who she really was, but the Zora was having none of it.  
  
"Yeah, right!" she scoffed. "Just trying to cover up, you are! Just a little, anyway!"  
  
They rolled over near the spiky things that were actually harmless looking grey rocks at that moment in time. But upon the two Zoras' arrival, they promptly turned into spiky rolling things again. Luma saw them approaching out of the corner of her eye.  
  
"AAH! MUTATED WATER HEDGEHOGS!" she screamed, pointing. The other Zora didn't know what the hell she was talking about.  
  
"Are you hallucinating or something?" she said, her teeth bared. "There aren't any mutated water –"  
  
One of the spiky things promptly stuck a spike into the Zora's leg, and she screamed like a banshee and kicked her leg as hard as she could. The spiky thing flew off and landed into the pile of other spiky things, which were approaching fast. Luma, sensing retaliation from the other balls, grabbed the Zora by the arm and dragged her up to the surface with her.  
  
"Ouch! My leg!" the Zora said angrily when they were on dry ground. She turned to Luma. "Why did you help me, anyway?" suddenly she was looking suspicious. Luma gulped inwardly.  
  
"Because I'm a heroine. It's my job. My name is Luma, and I come from Termina. I was meant to come here to save... someone." Luma thought it best not to tell the Zora why she was really here.  
  
"Really?" the Zora replied, her eyes wide. "Save someone? It wouldn't be me, by any chance, would it?"  
  
"You?" Luma scoffed. "Why would it be you?"  
  
The Zora seemed to be angry by Luma's tone of voice. Standing up, she towered over Luma and shouted:  
  
"Because my name is Ruto, and I'm the Sage of Water!"  
  
Luma could only stare. Well, it explained a lot.  
  
"You what?" Luma finally found her voice as the other Zora called Ruto continued to tower over her. "You're the one I was sent to rescue? Then how come you still have your powers?"  
  
Ruto didn't seem impressed.  
  
"I DON'T have my powers. That's the whole point. I'm stuck in here. I was waiting for Link to come and rescue me, like he did seven years ago. If I had my powers, I wouldn't be here. You think I wanna spend my time stuck in this dump?" she said angrily. Luma stared for a moment.  
  
"And do you mind not being so mysterious and tell me who you really are? After all, you know who I really am, so go on, spill the beans," Ruto continued, tapping her foot impatiently. Luma sighed. A fish with attitude, that's what Ruto was. Luma could hardly believe she was an ancient creator of Hyrule.  
  
"Okay. Like I already said, my name is Luma. I'm not really a Zora. I used my magic powers and, er, ended up as one. I am one of the five Chosen, and each of us was allocated to a Sage. You know, to rescue them and all that. I got lucky and ended up with you." Luma explained all this rather quickly to the Water Sage, who looked like she was ready to explode any moment. But on the contrary, her expression softened after Luma's explanation.  
  
"Right! Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? You're not Link's other girlfriend then! You're just one of his colleagues, right?" Ruto said brightly. When Luma nodded, Ruto continued to speak.  
  
"Well, I've been waiting for you! And I have to compliment you on your Zora spell! I wouldn't have known you were a human from that guise! Anyway, have you got my powers back from Ganondorf yet?"  
  
Luma could only look on blankly. Ruto's expression went flat as she guessed correctly what the Chosen were up to.  
  
"Oh, right. So you're all rescuing the trapped Sages first, then going together to get back our powers from Ganondorf. Is that right?"  
  
When Luma nodded, Ruto's face broke into a smile again.  
  
"Well, you've found me! Now you can get me out of here! Luckily for you, Link destroyed the evil monster that lived here seven years ago, and Ganondorf hasn't found a replacement for him yet. Perhaps he's waiting for another 'Two for One Sale' at 'Evil Bosses 'r' Us', like he did when he got Twinrova."  
  
Ruto's face was thoughtful for a minute, and then she smiled again. "The only thing that red haired freak could do was block the entrance to the Water Temple so I couldn't get out. I'm weak, you see. But Ganondorf's not too clever himself – he was entirely predictable and shut all the Sages up in their respective temples. But I've been talking too long. Let's get out of here, Chosen Luma!"  
  
Together, Luma and Ruto dived into the small pool that led outside to Lake Hylia. It looked like a new friendship was forming.  
  
"So, Luma, when are you going to get rid of that Zora spell?" Ruto asked conversationally as they emerged into the bright daylight that now embraced the lake. Luma gulped.  
  
"Well Ruto, the thing is... I don't know how to get rid of it. It's by accident that I'm a Zora now," she said in a small voice. Ruto stared blankly at her for a moment, then burst out laughing, water splashing over a disgruntled Luma.  
  
"It isn't funny!" she glared at the Water Sage.  
  
"Oh! Sorry! But..." tears rolling down her face, Ruto regained her composure and smiled. "It's a pretty funny tale, Luma. If only I had my powers – I could easily get you back to human form in no time. Looks like you'll have to wait until we're at the Chamber of Sages. That's where we're going, right? Rauru still has his powers."  
  
"Yes," was all Luma could say. Still a little miffed at Ruto's laughing fit, they headed towards the shore, and back to the Chamber of Sages. One Sage down.  
  
Only another five to go... 


	12. Chapter 11: The Stalfos Strike

Chapter 11: The Stalfos Strike  
  
What with Luma's adventure over almost as soon as it began, the other Chosen were left to face their own missions. Hopefully they would finish as soon as Luma did – even if Luma couldn't get rid of her Zora spell just yet.  
  
Viscen was now deep within the bowels of the Shadow Temple, her journey being the smoothest of them all. She hadn't needed a Lens of Truth; since she had her own strange powers, being able to 'see the truth' was included in that package. And since the boss room in the temple was right into the building, Viscen had had no choice but to follow the path that led her deeper into shadow...  
  
Now, Viscen found herself upon a large ferry with the Triforce symbol upon its wooden deck. Sensing that the song of the Royal Family was needed, she cupped her hands over her mouth and whistled Zelda's Lullaby to the silence of the darkness around her.  
  
And slowly but surely, the boat began to move down the poisoned river.  
  
Viscen's hair flew out behind her like a golden waterfall as the ferry gained speed, her only pastime was to look at the dismal scenery that passed her and her transport by. But, this being the Shadow Temple, the ride wasn't going to be a smooth one...  
  
"RAAH!" suddenly, two dark shapes fell onto the boat from the darkness above, scaring Viscen out of her wits. The shapes straightened up, and through the gloom, the Chosen could see her visitors were two Stalfos.  
  
Viscen took a few steps back as the menacing knights approached, red eyes leering through the mist, their remaining teeth bared to form a malicious grin. There was no escape.  
  
Viscen raised her arms and charged up her magic to form a ball of pure purple energy, which lit up the event. The two Stalfos stopped moving forwards for a moment and seemed scared by Viscen's powers, but it seemed that wasn't why they stopped as one of the Stalfos began to speak in a low growl:  
  
"No! Don't shoot! We're not going to hurt you!"  
  
"A likely story!" Viscen shouted over the sound of the boat's rumbling pistons, energy ball still raised in front of her like a shield. "You think I'm going to believe that? Hang on..." her voice faded for a moment as she realised she was having a conversation with a Stalfos Knight. "How come you can talk?"  
  
"Huh?" the Stalfos seemed confused. It lowered its jagged sword and shield as it examined Viscen closely. "Just because we're Ganondorf's evil henchmen and monsters of the underworld doesn't mean we don't have a mouth, little lady."  
  
"Yeah, but..." Viscen didn't get it. What was going on with that thing? Why didn't he just attack now and get it over and done with?  
  
"Yeah but what?" the other Stalfos spoke now. "You didn't expect us to converse with the enemy? Well, we're not that predictable. Anyway, we're talking to you for a reason. You're looking for that Shadow Sage, right?"  
  
"Yes..." Viscen wasn't sure where the conversation was leading.  
  
"Well, we know where she is," the first Stalfos announced. "She's not in the boss room. She's on this boat."  
  
"Yah, right!" Viscen found herself yelling. "And I'm Ganondorf in disguise!"  
  
"Are you?" the second Stalfos said, sounding slightly scared. His comrade bopped him on the head with a skeletal fist.  
  
"Don't you know what sarcasm is?" he said to him angrily. Turning back to Viscen, he said, "Believe or not, we know she's on this boat. We tied her up, for a start. Ganondorf's orders."  
  
She knew she was foolish, but Viscen found herself believing the Stalfos. However, she wasn't about to trust them for a second.  
  
"Why are you telling me this?" she said slowly, her magic still held up in front of her face.  
  
"We're not luring you into a trap, honest guv!" the first Stalfos said, raising his hands in front of him as if to protect himself. "It's just... we've had enough of this doom and gloom temple."  
  
"We want freedom," the second Stalfos added from behind his comrade.  
  
"And we thought maybe you could help us get out if we helped you get your Sage," the first Stalfos said. "You see, Ganondorf's not giving us equal rights. Do you know what he wrote on the wall of the cave around his castle?"  
  
"No," Viscen said, utterly bemused.  
  
"Well, we started off by being okay with what he offered us, and he wrote 'ALL MONSTERS ARE EQUAL' on the wall. But then he got all power hungry, and starved us of what he promised. He wrote underneath the first message 'BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS', so we've had enough of him," the first Stalfos explained. "It's like bloomin' Monster Farm or something."  
  
"So could you please help us get out, Miss Heroine?" the second Stalfos asked in a small voice.  
  
Viscen didn't know what was going on, but she found herself believing the monsters' story. Anyway, if they betrayed her, she'd destroy them before they could say 'Gotcha!'  
  
"Okay," Viscen said. "Show me where the Sage is first, then I'll help you find your freedom."  
  
"Thank you!" the Stalfos chorused. Viscen's eyebrows raised.  
  
"I've never found a weirder world than Hyrule," she said with a defeated sigh. 


	13. Chapter 12: Metis, the Prize Idiot

Chapter 12: Metis, the Prize Idiot  
  
"I win – again! Now it's your turn," said Phantom Ganon, laughing gaily. Metis slapped a hand to his forehead in defeat, the pile of cards they had been playing with scattered over the floor. Looks like we've joined them at a wrong time...  
  
Metis was still stuck in limbo with the strangely Cockney (note: Cockney – someone who comes from London, England) Phantom. He wasn't making any attempt to seem evil, whereas from what Rauru had told him, he had almost killed Link when facing him in the Forest Temple. Well, since the ghost was now here instead of where he was meant to be, Link would have an easier time of it rescuing Saria. Only problem was, Metis was stuck here playing 'Snap' and 'Old Maid' with the deranged guardian now. He didn't know how long they'd been at it, but it seemed like an eternity for the frustrated Chosen. He himself had no idea how to get out of the place between dimensions, so he placed all his hopes on the chance that Rauru might sense his psychic pleas for help. No luck so far.  
  
Phantom Ganon picked up the pile of cards and made to shuffle them, but stopped when he saw the look on his fellow prisoner's face.  
  
"Ey? What's up, me old china? You're not gettin' all 'omesick on me, are ya? Come on, ya can tell ol' Ganon 'ere. I'm an expert on this limbo lark."  
  
"It's nothing at all like you imagine!" Metis suddenly raged, standing up so abruptly that the pile of cards scattered over the floor again. "There are a lot of things immensely irritating me! One, how on Earth did I get here when I travelled through the Sacred Realm? Two, why are you not attacking me when you are renowned as one of the deadliest Guardians Ganon has created? Three, shouldn't there be an exit somewhere? And four, why have you got a stupid accent?"  
  
Silence greeted this onslaught of words. It took a minute or two for Phantom Ganon to get his mind round them. Scratching his head, he stood up and finally replied.  
  
"Well then, er, let's see..." he began, looking down at the cards, which were now strewn all over the shop. "Number one, you've stumped me. I didn't get here from the Sacred Realm you're talking of, I was banished here by Ganon 'imself. I'm not allowed in holy places such as the Sacred Realm, I'd dirty it up. So sorry, can't 'elp you there. Second, well, I spose this 'ere limbo 'as straightened me out a bit. I ain't bin in the mood for fightin' for ages now, just lost me appetite for it I guess. Yeah, I used to be deadly, but I've bin bluntened – bluntened – is that a word? Well, it is now. Anyway, yeah, I've bin bluntened by bein' stuck 'ere for God knows 'ow long, so... anyway again, yer answer to number three. Well, I've looked for an exit, believe me mate, and I ain't found hide nor hair of one. So I just got it in me 'ead that I'd be stuck 'ere, like. An' ya know what, I've grown used to it. Kinda like an' 'ome from 'ome, if ya know what I mean. Fourth – well, I can't 'elp the way I speak, can I, china? Just one of them things."  
  
Finishing his long ramble, Phantom Ganon stretched himself out and lay, floating, in mid-air, as if upon a sofa or something. Metis eyed him with disgust, as if it were his fault he was there now. The ghost seemed offended by his glare.  
  
"Ey, what's with the evil eye? Don't blame me you're stuck 'ere. Blame the Sacred Realm road system, 'cause it seems that's what's got you 'ere messed up, like."  
  
Metis was getting annoyed by the Phantom's habit of sticking the word 'like' onto the end of every utterance he spoke. Grr! Why did it have to happen to him? And why did Phantom Ganon call him china?  
  
"Ey," the ghost spoke up again, still reclining on thin air. "Maybe there was a problem in the road system. Ya know, congestion or whatever. Maybe there was too many heavenly sages travelling up an' down, so they 'ad to divert one or two to limbo. Just temporarily, like."  
  
Metis considered this explanation. As insane as the Phantom now was, it didn't seem as absurd as it first appeared. But instead of the congestion theory, Metis reckoned maybe that someone had sent him here – someone who didn't like him...  
  
Suddenly it all became clear to him. Ananke – he was the culprit! How come Metis hadn't noticed it before? It all made sense. Ananke wore black – traditional dress of bad guys. Which meant – maybe Ananke hadn't gone to rescue Nabooru after all! Maybe – and it made Metis shiver with fear all over – maybe he had already joined forces with Ganon. Also, a new thought dawned on the Chosen – perhaps Zelda wasn't trapped in the Temple of Light after all! Perhaps she was with Ganon in his castle!  
  
Suddenly Metis felt like a prize idiot. Here he was, trapped in limbo, on a wild goose chase with a shadow form of himself laughing in his face and a half-mad ex-boss playing cards next to him calling him 'china'. What was he to do?  
  
Of course, he didn't share any of this with Phantom Ganon. He just thought about the horror of it all until it gave him a headache.  
  
Clearly, his only choice was to wait until either Rauru or one of the Chosen realised he had been sent to limbo, get rescued by them (for you could escape limbo if someone pulled you out of it), then tell them about the terrible mistake he had made in trusting Ananke to carry out his job. Clearly, more work was cut out for them! And Metis had been the one who had cursed them with it.  
  
If he hadn't had cared about his staff being broken in half, he would have whacked himself in the face with it for being so stupid. 


	14. Chapter 13: A Surprise for Cavet

Chapter 13: A Surprise for Cavet  
  
"I cannot believe how well your banishing spell worked, Ananke. Now all we have to deal with is those other four annoying Chosen and the one remaining Sage," said Ganondorf in a low rumbling voice. He looked out onto the chaos that was Hyrule, and a sense of satisfaction filled him. How he loved being evil.  
  
He knew Ananke could not speak, but he could sense his own jubilation at seeing his 'brother' Metis banished to the place between dimensions. The other Chosen and that has-been Sage Rauru would be no problem for them. Sure, they could rescue all the Sages, but they would have no power, and besides – Princess Zelda was imprisoned in the very same room that Ganon and his associate Ananke now stood (proving Metis's theory correct), and she was the most important key of them all.  
  
And right now, the Chosen's job was far from completed. Ganon would watch them struggle until they managed to make their way to him – he'd be waiting.  
  
Or maybe he'd be in a wheelchair by the time they got to him... they clearly didn't have a clue what they were doing...  
  
***  
  
"WAAH! My Grandma has gone!" Link wailed, wobbling around the main chamber of the Forest Temple like a jelly. "Gran, come back!"  
  
Well, that proves his concussion wasn't gone yet. What Saria would make of him if he found her in that state is anyone's guess. But it seemed Link, however much out of it he was, was doing quite as well as any of the others. Better than some, in fact (note Metis). But he still had three torches to light, and a Sage to rescue.  
  
Link seemed to grab his bearings of the place he was in for just a moment, for the walls stopped moving about, and he vaguely knew he was on a mission. But then he was on his knees holding his head in agony as the mother of all headaches hit him full on. I told you he would get a migraine...  
  
It had seemed that his concussion had disappeared, almost as soon as he had received it. But now his headache proved a much worse threat. It throbbed so much he thought his head was going to split in two...  
  
"Ow!" Link winced; his eyes screwed up with the pain of it all. "I don't know how I got this far or what happened in the space of time that got me here, but this is one hell of a headache. I can't even open my bloody eyes properly!"  
  
It was a few minutes before Link found the pain wearing off slightly. He managed to pull himself to his feet, and look around at the room.  
  
"Hmm," he mused, ignoring the faint pulse of the pain at his forehead. "One torch lit – how it lit is anyone's guess – three to go. I'll bet anything Saria is in the boss room. It's always like that. Now then, the next Poe sister should be just past the twisty corridor. I'd better be making my way there then."  
  
And, oblivious to the fact that he had almost hugged the defeated Poe and called her 'Grandma', Link strode off in the direction of the twisted corridor, humming to himself.  
  
***  
  
"Helloo, anyone home?" Cavet called out into the misty silence of the Fire Temple's boss chamber. There was no reply. Where was everybody? Or, more to the point, where was this Sage he had almost broken his back to rescue? She should be all over him smothering him with kisses by now. Or so Cavet thought.  
  
Still, Cavet reasoned with his inner voice, it's only natural that the Sage hasn't come running to you with open arms, isn't it? I mean, she hasn't got any powers, for a start. She'll be onto you as soon as you get to her.  
  
"EEK!" Cavet uttered a girlish shriek as the ground suddenly started shaking beneath his feet. He was stood on the large island in the middle of the room, where numerous steaming potholes were situated as well. Now, small rocks began shooting from them as well, as the central hole began steaming and a long, dark shape shot from it into the air. And as Cavet's yellow eyes fell on this new arrival, his face turned paper white and his mouth fell open.  
  
For the Chosen was sharing the room with a fire-breathing dragon!  
  
It was, of course, Volvagia, revived for the umpteenth time. Cavet, having never strayed from the dream world of Koholint until now, didn't have the foggiest what the dragon's name was or what its history was. All he knew is that he wanted his mother, now!  
  
Come on, Cavet, a voice said firmly inside his head. You're one of the Chosen. You have amazing power. You might be a coward, but your strength will pull you through. Now get going and fight that dragon!  
  
Still shaking like a blancmange, Cavet managed to walk as close as he could to the now landed Volvagia. To Cavet, it looked as if the dragon had been squeezed through a hollow pipe and this was the result before him. Volvagia's head emerged from one of the potholes, roaring furiously. Cavet's lower lip trembled, and, before he knew what he was doing, he had punched the dragon full on the face.  
  
Now, since Cavet's skill is his amazing strength, the force of his fist smashing into Volvagia's sorry face was equal to the Megaton Hammer. In fact, his power was even greater than that! Cavet may have been a mummy's boy, but his strength was amazing.  
  
Volvagia's head was almost ripped from its body as it let out a bloodcurdling scream. It looked stunned, so Cavet, regaining his confidence (and arrogance), grabbed his chance and aimed not just his punches at the dragon, but his kicks as well.  
  
It didn't take long. He finished the job even more efficiently than Link did in his time, and that was quick for a mere mortal that had been dragged into the problems of Hyrule's Royal Family. Cavet's amazing strength had pulled him through this time, even if he did nearly wet himself.  
  
The dragon lay dead in a pool of its own blood as Cavet stood over it, scratched and bruised like some movie hero, and arrogant smirk across his face.  
  
"You're dragon meat, punk!" he said in a strong accent. Obviously he thought that was what regular heroes said after they'd just beaten a twice resurrected dragon, which proved that he did indeed live in a dream world. Gullible fool.  
  
Just as Cavet was basking in his victory though, a voice rang out from behind him:  
  
"Hey! You did it!"  
  
Cavet spun round. The voice was deep and male. Who on Earth could it be?  
  
His eyes fell on a large shape that emerged from the outer shadows of the room. What was going on? Where was the Sage?  
  
The shape became clear. It seemed to be a large and burly Goron (well, Cavet still thought they were 'Groobons'), larger than any of the others he'd seen at the city. This one also had a long beard and muscular arms – he looked like a kind of leader. But what was a Goron doing here in the Fire Temple? And where the hell was the Sage?  
  
As Cavet continued to stare blankly, the Goron decided to carry on talking.  
  
"You rescued me from Volvagia! Are you a hero come in place of Link or something?"  
  
Something slowly clicked in a distant chamber of Cavet's head. But he still hadn't figured out why a Goron was with him – you'd have thought he would have realised whom the Sage was by now, eh?  
  
"Volvagia's that dragon I just disposed of then, huh?" Cavet said, still with a slight 'tough guy' accent. "And yeah, I'm one of the Chosen, er, chosen to save the world of Hyrule. But I didn't save you from the dragon; I'm here to rescue the Sage of Fire. Link tells me she's here. What are you doing in a place like this? Do you know where the Sage is?"  
  
The Goron blinked, then laughed, a low rumbling sound. His eyes twinkled as he realised what Link must have pulled on the guy. He must be really stupid, the Goron thought.  
  
"I'm afraid you've got your wires crossed, friend," he smiled at Cavet, but it was rather like a smirk. "I do know where the Sage is. I'm the Sage! I'm Darunia, head of the Gorons and Sage of Fire."  
  
Cavet's mind began to spin. He was the Sage? HIM!?  
  
He felt his cheeks turn red as he realised what Link must have done. The dirty, filthy little scumbag! Cavet was going to PULVERISE Link when he got his hands on him! He told Cavet that the Sage was a sexy female just to trick him!  
  
"Hey, Mr. Chosen," Darunia called, posing in a jokey seductive way. "Even though I'm not female, I am rather hot, don't you agree?"  
  
It would have been hard to say what was hotter, Darunia or Cavet's face... 


	15. Chapter 14: Another One Down

Chapter 14: Another One Down  
  
"Luma! And Ruto! You did it! Congratulations! But... why are you as a Zora?" Rauru greeted the two exhausted girls as they stumbled onto the Triforce symbol in the Chamber of Sages. Unlike Metis, they had not been banished to limbo (as that had been Ananke's doing), but had arrived safely at their destination.  
  
Luma groaned at Rauru's question.  
  
"Don't ask," she sighed. "Just, turn me back into myself again, now!"  
  
"Fine." With a smirk on his face (he was probably thinking how someone with magic was stupid enough not to know how to use it), Rauru raised his arms. With a bright flash of light, Luma was standing before him and Ruto, back to her snobby human self. She sighed in relief.  
  
"I'm back to normal!" she said delightedly, pulling at her dress and her hair. "I mean, being a Zora, if that's what I was, was fun and all, but way too freaky for me."  
  
"Excuse me," shot Ruto, "are you calling me a freak?"  
  
"What?" replied Luma, who apparently had no idea what she had just said that could have implied Ruto was a freak. "I didn't call you anything. In fact, I am deeply in awe of you, Ruto. You're a Princess, a Sage –"  
  
"With no powers," the Zora sourly reminded her.  
  
"Okay, let's cut the chit-chat for now," Rauru interjected before the conversation could turn into a full-blown argument. "Ruto, you're going to have to stay here until the Chosen have recovered your powers. Luma –"  
  
Rauru suddenly stopped speaking. He screwed his eyes up and raised his hands to his temples, as if he were suffering from a migraine. Then that expression cleared to give way to a new one: pure panic.  
  
"Luma!" he cried. "I just picked up a distress signal from the place between dimensions! It seems Metis has been sent to there instead of to the Temple of Light! There is no way he can get out unless someone from the outside aids him. And since you are the first one back..."  
  
"Yes?" Luma asked, hardly daring to believe her luck. All she heard was the name Metis, and that's all she needed to hear! From behind her, Ruto was lounging around on the Water Medallion with a curious look on her face.  
  
"Would you mind going to rescue Metis from limbo?" Rauru said. Luma almost screamed with excitement. Another mission! And a chance to get her hands on that lurvely Metis! Things were looking up!  
  
But Luma didn't show this view to the public. Sounding as cool and as matter-of-fact as she could, she replied, "um, yeah, I could do that for you, Rauru. After all, it is my duty – to work as a team and help a fellow Chosen in need. Just one question..."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"How on Earth did he end up in limbo? He's not dead, is he?"  
  
"You've got me there," was Rauru's reply. He scratched his head, stupefied. "I have no idea how he got there. Most likely case is that someone banished him there. But I can't for the life of me figure out who it might be. There's no chance it could have been Ganondorf – he's not a mind reader. I'll have to get back to you on that one, Luma. But anyway – I'll stay here to protect Ruto (as she clearly can't defend herself with no powers), and you go to rescue Metis. Good luck. You'll be fine. Just step on the Triforce symbol and it'll take you to limbo gateway."  
  
"Hey, I might have no powers, but I can take care of my self!" Ruto shouted angrily from behind Luma. "I'll ward 'em off with my Girl Power and all that!"  
  
Whoever "'em" were, anyway. Luma stood (rather nervously) onto the Triforce symbol once again, and Rauru raised his arms, transporting her to the world beyond. Well, the world nearly to the world beyond – limbo's the one in between, isn't it? (Okay, I'll stop rambling now)  
  
***  
  
"So, where have you bundled my Sage?" Viscen asked the two talking Stalfos she had met. They were leading her around the edge of the ferry they were on (which had now ended its ride and was stationary somewhere in the temple), to a square opening Viscen supposed was a window. The first Stalfos seemed happier know he knew he was going to get his freedom. He turned to her, a smile (if you could say a Stalfos could smile) on his face (or skull, or whatever).  
  
"Well, obviously on this boat," he replied, motioning for the other Stalfos and Viscen to follow him through the window. They did, and Viscen was met with the sight of a tied up, bound and gagged Shadow Sage, who was struggling greatly to get away. Viscen was strongly reminded of a trussed up Christmas turkey for some reason.  
  
"Well, is this not your Sage?" the Stalfos said, pointing triumphantly. The Sage looked similar in race to Viscen – dark mysterious eyes, an inward brooding look about her face, and limbs that suggested she was agile. Yet without her powers she was useless. Viscen sighed. Attempting to read the bound female's mind, she found out that this was indeed the Shadow Sage she had been looking for. Her name was Impa, and she was a legendary Sheikah – a supposedly extinct race of Hyrule. But then again, Viscen bore an uncanny resemblance to the Sheikah race as well. She wasn't to know it, of course, but maybe – even though she believed she hailed from Holodrum – maybe she could be linked to the ancient race...  
  
Viscen at once leant down to untie Impa, who had deep marks from where the ropes had cut into her skin. When released, she immediately rubbed where she had been bound, probably to get some blood to her feet and hands. Impa looked up to Viscen gratefully.  
  
"Thank you," she said in a deep voice. "These Stalfos did not treat me bad if you thought that. Although they tied me up, in fact they rescued me from an even worse fate."  
  
"What?" Viscen couldn't believe these Stalfos. How on Earth did they manage to pass the Evil Baddie Test? Well, thinking about it, they didn't have brains, after all, did they? I mean, they were skeletons.  
  
"Yes," Impa said, standing up. She was very tall and towered over Viscen. "Ganondorf tied me up and left me to face the Floormasters and ReDeads. I knew I was doomed, as I was powerless. But then these two turned up – and bundled me away in here. I think they were afraid to do any more good deeds because of what Ganondorf might think."  
  
"Yeah, that's right," the first Stalfos spoke up. "We rescued you because we thought you might help us gain our freedom, you see -–we don't care what Ganondorf does to us anymore. We've had enough of him."  
  
Smiling serenely, Impa continued, "And so that is my story. I thank you again, Viscen – no doubt you are one of the Chosen sent to banish Ganondorf? I, like you, can read minds. I think we should return to the hub of this mission – namely the Chamber of Sages – and help you prepare for the final hurdle. Can you teleport us out? It will be easier."  
  
Viscen hesitated. "What about these Stalfos? Aren't they going to get their freedom?"  
  
Impa seemed sad all of a sudden.  
  
"Alas, we cannot grant them the freedom they are looking for – yet." Turning to the Stalfos, who now looked downcast, she said, "but you will get it as soon as the Chosen defeat Ganondorf. You see, the evil spell will then be lifted and all living things shall be released. I promise you that. You have been very kind to me – I would never have expected it from a Stalfos! And I also say this: if you cannot be freed with Ganondorf's downfall, I will come back here and free you myself!"  
  
At this news, the Stalfos cheered up considerably.  
  
"Aw, thanks man, uh, woman, uh – yeah," the first Stalfos said. "Real kind of you."  
  
"Go and smash that ginger haired freak into oblivion, or wherever the bad guys go to when they die," added the second Stalfos. Both Viscen and Impa smiled.  
  
"Farewell, and thank you," the Chosen said, then, raising her arms, she and the rescued Shadow Sage were teleported back to where it all began in a flash of light.  
  
(I've lost count. How many Sages left? It's all becoming rather confusing as the narrator of the story. You just can't get the staff...) 


	16. Chapter 15: Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostbust...

Chapter 15: Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostbusters!  
  
"Wow, a twisty corridor," Link said sarcastically as he walked his way down it. "No big deal."  
  
His headache was fading slightly, and he felt a lot better for it. His mind seemed to have erased the 'Grandma' incident though – clearly he couldn't remember anything about it. But still, maybe it was better that way. If he knew, he'd probably have nightmares for weeks after.  
  
Passing through the unimpressive twisted corridor (which I actually think is one of the best parts of the temple), Link jumped quickly over to a door on his right (before the Floormasters came down to pat his head), and entered into a sort of gallery with staircases. There were three portraits hanging in this area, and only one of them was occupied (I'm making it sound like a toilet, aren't I?). It was one of the other three Poe Sisters (I cannot for the life of me remember which one – I think I got the other one wrong, anyway!), and she probably didn't know about the Grandma thing either, as she didn't float off screaming when Link stood opposite her picture frame and took aim with his bow. You'd think they would move out of the thing, wouldn't you? I mean, are they just blind or do they actually want an arrow up their backside? Maybe they're into acupuncture.  
  
Well, anyway, Link shot an arrow into the picture, and it disappeared in a mass of green flames (fire with colorants). The Poe emerged from the picture, only to go hide in another one. Link knew the drill, and shot the other two in succession until the sister had nowhere else to go but the floor below, ready to fight.  
  
Link came face to face with the Poe for the second time in his life, and raised his shield as it went off on one and started spinning around for about five minutes. He resignedly kept it held up patiently until the moment of truth arrived.  
  
When it did, Link said aloud, "I'm not bullshitting around today, ghostie. You're going to die NOW!"  
  
And with that he went off on one now and started hacking at the ghost as if it were a tree he was longing to cut down. Ah, the vent up emotion that get released when you're smashing a Poe! Everyone should try it. Hyrule would become a happier place if everyone had their own Poe to beat up when things got downcast.  
  
True to Link's harsh words (I mean, ghostie. Come on, what an insult!), the Poe was defeated there and then. Smiling to himself, Link wasted no time in heading towards the other gallery. Then, after that, he would head to that weird room with the puzzle in. All he'd have to do would be to solve the puzzle, kill the ghost and kill the guardian. Then he'd finally be able to take Saria back to the Chamber of Sages. Whew, it ain't easy being a hero...  
  
***  
  
"You can touch me, you know. I don't bite," Darunia said in a false girly voice to a very pissed off Cavet. He was escorting the Sage of Fire back to the Chamber of Sages (since Cavet had no magic, only strength), and refused to look at the burly Goron, as if it were his fault that he wasn't a sexy female. Carrying on the joke, Darunia eyed Cavet's oversized Goron Tunic, which he had forgot to take off in his rage.  
  
"You know, that dress really turns me on," he said in a husky voice. Cavet then almost totally blew it. Ripping off the large shirt, he flung it as far as he could, where it picked up a current of the wind and blew away over the hills, never to be seen again. Darunia raised his eyebrows, thoroughly enjoying himself.  
  
"Ooh, stripping for me now, are you? You little tiger!"  
  
"FUCKING SHUT UP!" Cavet roared at the Sage, who could now only stare at the livid Chosen in silence. "I know I'm a fucking goon for believing what that twat Link told me, but you either shut up or I'm throwing you back in that temple!"  
  
"You can't do that! You'll never save Hyrule!" Darunia sounded aghast. Cavet glared with hawk-like eyes at him.  
  
"So? That's not my problem. I don't even live here! I come from somewhere else! I got dragged into your crappy little war, so I can do what I bloody well please!" he yelled, causing several birds to fly away in alarm. Darunia was shocked at Cavet's temper. He thought he'd better not push it any further – who knows what he might do?  
  
"Okay, okay. Sorry man. You lead the way."  
  
And they continued down the mountain to the Sacred Realm in stony silence.  
  
***  
  
"Ah, here we are. The puzzle room," Link said to himself, looking satisfied. He could tell it was because a large picture of one ugly Poe hung on the wall. All he had to do was shoot an arrow into that picture, and the blocks would come. But it would be against the clock to try to put the picture together on the blocks – and Link had very little puzzle solving abilities. He'd only got this far before out of sheer dumb luck. This was the only Poe left now though – he'd only just defeated the third one, rushing it so he could finish his work quickly. And he wasn't even going to get paid for it.  
  
Link braced himself for the challenge and shot an arrow into the picture. The large blocks predictably fell down from the ceiling. The race was on!  
  
"Ah, what the fuck? I can't tell this Poe's face from her backside!" Link yelled in anger, as he thought he'd completed the puzzle. Clearly not, as there was no sign of the ghost arriving. He didn't know how much time he had left, but he thought he'd better get it right this time or else the blocks would go walkabouts and reset themselves. He grabbed the nearest block, then pulled a few others out around it, then thought for a second. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but he put them all back together in a totally random order. To Link's absolute shock and surprise, the Poe fell out of the picture on the wall. He had, by sheer dumb luck, completed the block puzzle!  
  
"Right, then," Link said to himself. "Time to do a little exorcising."  
  
The Poe spun around for a few minutes at Link, cackling insanely, its flame held tightly in its hand, then paused to mock him. He seized his chance and slashed with the Master Sword as hard as he could at the thing. It stopped cackling and started screaming in anguish. If Poes could speak, this one would definitely be calling Link all the names under the sun. He finished his slashing attack as it evaporated into a mass of blue flames – its own flame disappearing to fully light the main chamber. Link had ghostbusted the Forest Temple – again!  
  
"Four-nil to Link!"  
  
He smirked at his victory, and swung the Master Sword about his head arrogantly. But he wasn't too hot with his sword twirling skills and dropped it. Onto his foot. His screamed loudly and began hopping around on one foot, cursing insanely.  
  
Like I said, he got this far by sheer dumb luck... 


	17. Chapter 16: The Waiting Game

Chapter 16: The Waiting Game  
  
"Cavet! Darunia! You made it too!" Rauru greeted the exhausted Chosen and Sage as they entered the Chamber of Sages from the Triforce symbol upon the floor. "That's great. Only Link and Viscen to go now. Oh, and Metis, who's currently stuck in limbo... oh, damn," he added, as he suddenly thought of a flaw in the mission. Cavet, who was still a little pissed off at being so gullible, frowned.  
  
"What is it this time, old man?"  
  
Rauru ignored the 'old man' comment, frowning.  
  
"Well, which Sage was Metis going to rescue?"  
  
"Zelda, wasn't it?" Cavet didn't see where the flaw was.  
  
"Yes. But she'll still be in her respective temple, won't she?"  
  
"I don't think so, Rauru," Ruto spoke up from her position on her Water Medallion. "I mean, she doesn't even have a temple, does she? If you ask me, I reckon old Ganondorf's got her with him. After all, she controls the Triforce of Wisdom as well."  
  
"You're right!" Rauru said with realisation. Darunia, who was seated upon his Fire Medallion, looked at Ruto appraisingly.  
  
"I see you haven't lost your brain power then," he said, which caused the Zora to stick her tongue out at him.  
  
"So, who has gone to rescue Nabooru then?" asked Rauru. Cavet raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Metis created a carbon copy of himself, Ananke," he said. "He's gone to get that Sage."  
  
"Ah, okay," Rauru seemed relieved. "Well then, all we have to do is rescue Zelda when you go to destroy Ganondorf. We're all set still."  
  
What they didn't know was that Ananke had played traitor though... and the only person who DID know was Metis. But he wasn't in any rush to tell them. He was stuck in limbo.  
  
A few bumps in the road, then.  
  
***  
  
"Hello?" Luma said cautiously into the darkness. She had arrived at the entrance to limbo, and, as she had come from the outside, a portal still lay open for her. Her eyes scanned the terrain for some sign of Metis. "Metis, are you here?"  
  
Metis, who had been sulking in silence, carefully ignoring his limbo-mate Phantom Ganon, heard Luma's voice at once. He could hardly believe his ears, though.  
  
"Luma?" he replied loudly. "Is that you?"  
  
"It's me!" Luma shouted back, delighted to know that he was in the same place as she was. "Follow my voice, and you can get out!"  
  
Metis started to walk immediately towards the source of Luma's voice. However, he hadn't betted on Phantom Ganon. He hadn't heard Luma or Metis talk (deaf as a dingbat), but Metis's sudden movement had caught his eye.  
  
"'Ey," he said, standing up. "Where are ya goin' then, china?"  
  
Metis seemed uncomfortable. The others would never forgive him if he set this horror free upon the world again. He decided to lie. There was no way he was going to let this nutter out as well!  
  
"Oh... just for a walk," Metis replied matter-of-factly. "You know, to stretch my legs. When I get back, I'll give you a nice long game of Snap, if you want."  
  
"Now we're talkin'!" Phantom Ganon smiled (well, you couldn't tell really, but it seemed like he was smiling). "Okay, then. I'll see you in a bit."  
  
"Yes," Metis replied, rushing off before the guardian could stop him. He couldn't believe his luck. How thick was that Phantom? No wonder he was banished to limbo!  
  
Soon enough, Metis could see Luma and the portal behind her. Freedom! He ran towards her and almost hugged her, he was so relieved.  
  
"Luma!" he gasped, which caused her to blush crimson. "Please, get us out of here, and I'll explain everything when we return to the Chamber of Sages!"  
  
"Everything?" Luma repeated, confused. Still, she didn't argue, as she would have done almost everything for Metis. Together they turned back through the portal, and left limbo far behind – and left poor Phantom Ganon wondering where his new found friend had gone to.  
  
"I hate it when they find a way out and don't tell me," Phantom Ganon said, when it finally dawned on him what had happened.  
  
***  
  
"I have done a terrible thing," Metis said to the gathering at the Chamber of Sages. "I know why I was banished to limbo. My creation, Ananke. He did this."  
  
"What!?" Luma and Cavet, who were the only ones there who knew who Ananke was, gasped. Metis nodded grimly.  
  
"I should have known that he was created purely from my negative emotions," he said sadly, shaking his head. "I believe that he went straight to Ganondorf and joined forces with him. Then he banished me to limbo, in attempt to stop me from carrying out my rescue mission. But then again, I think Zelda is with Ganondorf, so my mission was in vain anyway. That means that Nabooru still needs rescuing."  
  
Rauru looked ready to tear his hair out again.  
  
"One of you is going to have to go out again to rescue Nabooru," he said in frustration to the three Chosen.  
  
"I think Cavet should do it," Darunia spoke up. He felt a little sorry for Cavet, since he had believed that he himself was a female Sage. "Nabooru's a female Sage, Cavet. Hot and sexy, just how you like them."  
  
Cavet looked suspiciously at the Goron.  
  
"Really?" he said. "You're not pulling my leg, are you?"  
  
"Of course he's not," said Ruto, who was oblivious to the female Sage event. "I should know as well. She's a female Gerudo."  
  
Upon hearing these words, Cavet seemed very happy. After all, if another Sage said this Nabooru was a female, it was obvious that she was!  
  
"Great," he said. "I'll go and get the Sage. Where is she?"  
  
"I'll teleport you there," Metis said. "It's the least I can do. Nabooru is the Spirit Sage, in the Spirit Temple. Oh, and thank you."  
  
"No problems," Cavet grinned as Metis waved his staff and the lust hungry Cavet out of sight. He was on his way to bag himself a second Sage!  
  
"Now what are we going to do?" Luma said. Metis seemed unsettled still.  
  
"I want revenge," he said quietly. "I have to get rid of Ananke. I will have to go to Ganondorf's castle and defeat him."  
  
"Not yet, you can't!" Rauru said. "Ganondorf will also be there. It'll be two on one. Impossible, even for you. You'll have to wait until all the Chosen are ready, I'm afraid."  
  
"Damn," Metis said under his breath. He knew Rauru was right. Well, patience was a virtue, after all. He'd just have to wait for the others.  
  
"Yup, seems all we can do now is wait," Rauru said.  
  
"Did you just say I'm overweight?" Darunia said sleepily from his medallion, mishearing. Rauru rolled his eyes. Completely mad, the lot of them, he thought.  
  
Coming from a man with tufts of hair missing because he had pulled it out, it was entirely believable. 


	18. Chapter 17: Pizza!

Chapter 17: Pizza!

"My friggin' foot's killing me!" Link cursed as he hopped over to the now raised lift in the main chamber of the Forest Temple. Well, Link, that's what you get when you drop a heavy sword onto your boot, dumbass...

"What did I say to Metis before I came here? 'Ooh, the Forest Temple can be mighty interesting'!" Link mimicked himself in a high pitched voice, the pain in his foot making him unnecessarily angry. "Yeah, right! What the fuck was I on?"

Still wincing with the sharp stabbing pains in his leg, Link managed to get into the lift and let it carry him down to the basement with the weird moving walls. He swore loudly again when he saw he'd have to move the walls himself, as the boss door was nowhere in sight.

Link gingerly placed his aching foot lightly on the ground, and limped over to a piece of the wall that was protruding. Grabbing hold of it and still muttering naughty words under his breath, Link pushed as hard as he could, and the wall moved around with a somewhat satisfying clicking noise. What Link didn't do though, was move out of the way when the other bit of protruding wall behind him came round. When he noticed it, it was too late.

CRASH!

He ended up in a concussed pile on the floor, stars flying around his head. Looked like the wall was getting its own back on him for touching it in the first place. Or something.

But whatever the reason, Link was really taking a battering this time round. But as the old saying goes, 'what goes around comes around'. In this case, it was the wall that was going around... and it came around, all right...

"The Spirit Temple. How wonderful," Cavet said as he stood in the entrance hall to the temple that everybody had left out. He began to walk towards the stairs, but then two innocent looking pots had suddenly come alive and threw themselves at him. With a loud cry of "SHIT!", Cavet managed to forward roll up the stairs out of harm's way. He saw the pots smash into the opposite wall and cease to exist. If they, um, ever existed in the first place.

"Woah! Suicidal pots!" Cavet gasped, regaining his composure. He dusted his outfit off, then said casually, "they have everything here in Hyrule, don't they? Now, where's this hot Sage...?"

One-track mind...

Cavet continued into the depths of the Spirit Temple by following the path to the right – on the way he almost got burnt by a Beamos, sliced in half by some random blades, and had his clothes sucked off him by a Like-Like. Easy going, then, I presume.

He'll get there in the end...

"I can see the end!" Link blabbered as he staggered like a drunk down the corridor that led to the boss door. Although what he said sounded normal enough in context, he was really concussed. What he thought he could see was a light at the end rather than the door. Maybe he thought he was going to reach the light at the end of the tunnel and have a meaningful chat with the guy upstairs. Whichever, how he got to the corridor must have been a stroke of blind luck, as he had still been concussed when moving the walls around. He had probably got up and wobbled into the walls, making them move. Lucky git.

"Ooh! A door!" he now said in a high pitched voice, going through it, his eyes slightly crossed. In the boss chamber was vast darkness, and no sign of any boss. But that's what it's always like, right?

Link managed to climb up the stairs that led to the gallery (those four portraits. Well, I call it a gallery), and noticed there was a small girl sitting crossed legged upon the cold stone floor, her back to him. But since Link was having difficulty focusing, he thought there were two girls. He thought hard.

"I thought I was only meant to deliver the pizza to one girl?" he said, confused. Pizza? Where the hell did he get that one from? Did he suddenly think he was a pizza delivery man? The wall must have hit him harder than we thought.

The girl, upon hearing Link's voice, spun round. It was clearly Saria, the Forest Sage and the one Link had come to rescue. Saria looked at Link closely and knew what he had done immediately. She's one clever cookie. (All this talk of food is making me hungry)

"Link, what have you done to your eyes?" she asked him, putting an arm round him rather like a mother would to a son, and she guided him slowly down the stairs and out of the boss room. "Although I have to say thank you for breaking the seal upon the Forest Temple. There is no guardian – good news for you, I daresay," she added under her breath. Link blinked as Saria led him rather forcefully back to the room with the revolving doors.

"I hope you like anchovies," he said sorrowfully. "I forgot to take them off."

"Don't you worry about the pizza," Saria said kindly, although it seemed like she was trying hard not to laugh. "Now you've broken the seal, I can guide us safely out of here back to the Chamber of Sages. Although we haven't got any magic between us, so we're going to have to walk."

"Walk?" Link repeated, as if it were a foreign word. "Where are we going?"

Saria rolled her eyes to the heavens as they went upward in the lift and walked across the main chamber's floor.

"Listen, Link," she said sternly to him. "You probably don't know this, but you took a nasty bump to the head, and you need to go back to the Pizza Palace or wherever you came from to rest. And don't argue with me – the customer is always right."

"Yes, ma'am," Link said meekly as a slightly pissed off Saria guided him out of the Forest Temple and to the world beyond.

Next stop, Pizza Palace...


	19. Chapter 18: Rejects 'r' Us

Chapter 18: Rejects 'r' Us  
  
Meanwhile, there was a stony silence in the Chamber of Sages as the already rescued Sages and the Chosen were waiting for the others to finish their job.  
  
Suddenly, the Triforce symbol began to glow. Rauru opened his eyes, hoping it was good news this time. Sure enough, Impa and Viscen appeared before their eyes, beaming.  
  
"Oh! Impa! Viscen! Well done! You've made it!" Rauru exclaimed, sighing. "Now there's only two more to go, and we'll be able to face Ganondorf!"  
  
"We?" Luma said dryly. "It's only going to be us Chosen, Rauru. Why make us feel we're part of a team?"  
  
"Because we are," Metis said quietly, sounding slightly annoyed. Luma blushed and was sure she felt her heart break in two.  
  
"Who's left then?" Impa said, seating herself upon her Shadow Medallion. Viscen tapped her foot, eager for the team to hurry up.  
  
"We have Link and Cavet yet to come," Rauru said. Viscen raised her eyebrows.  
  
"And how long exactly is that going to take?"  
  
"It could take awhile," Darunia said from his place on the Fire Medallion. "Since Cavet's rescuing Nabooru, he might become a bit attached to her."  
  
"Hmph, well if this Nabooru's got any sense she'll kick him where it hurts," Luma snorted, not forgetting her farce with Cavet earlier. They were still deadly enemies to her. And if he thought he was attractive enough to get a date with a woman, then he was more stupid than she thought...  
  
***  
  
"Hmm, now, let's see... where the hell am I?" Cavet said, looking around him. He was standing outside what seemed like the boss room, but since he was so thick skulled, he thought it wasn't. (Apologies at this point – I can't remember the Spirit Temple exactly, so I think I'm cheating here – Columbine) All he could think about was that hot Sage, waiting for him somewhere... and it was incredibly hot within the Temple – well, it was in the desert, after all. Cavet didn't want to take his long jacket off though – he thought it made him look like a REAL hero, which proves his head is too big. The idiot.  
  
"I wonder what could be through this door?" he wondered aloud, staring the boss door right in the face. It wasn't a wonder that someone, even an enemy, hadn't gone up to him and slapped in the face with a wet fish, shouting "It's the boss door, you great big prat!" But maybe they were in the shadows laughing, not wanting to ruin the moment's comedy value.  
  
"Well, I won't find out if I just stand here staring at it," Cavet decided aloud, then, without too much cowardice, he entered through the door to find himself within a large chamber with numerous platforms around the place. His jaw practically dropped to the floor when he saw whom he was sharing the chamber with.  
  
"E hee hee hee..."  
  
A slight cackle arose from the far corner of the room, and the two shadows Cavet had spotted a second ago crept forward and came into full view. When Cavet saw their faces (as they seemed very much to be people), he sighed with relief. They were old! And wrinkly.  
  
Obviously we, as the audience, know who these two wrinklies are. Twinrova, without a doubt. But Cavet thought these were just two harmless old ladies out on a shopping trip but had taken the wrong direction and got lost, so he was very much unawares of their destructive power.  
  
He didn't know what the cackle was for – maybe one of them had a slight cough – but Cavet wasn't too scared if they were old! Which shows that one, appearances can be deceiving, and two; Cavet is just as stupid as we always thought. He tried a more direct approach than just staring at them.  
  
"Er, excuse me ladies, but are you lost?" he asked them in a false and friendly voice. The two witches looked at one another as if Cavet had just told a really funny joke, then looked as one back at him. For some reason, this made Cavet feel slightly anxious. Synchronised ladies! Now that was creepy.  
  
"Lost?" one of them piped up in a witchy voice, still half hidden in the shadows so Cavet couldn't see her broomstick. "I believe you are the one that is lost, don't you, Koume?"  
  
The other witch, who was apparently called Koume, nodded and cackled slightly. By this time Cavet was utterly bemused. What was going on?  
  
"Can you tell me what the hell you're doing here?" he tried again, in a booming voice that revealed how scared he was. Twinrova laughed at his stupidity.  
  
"Are you just being thick on purpose?" Koume said to him, while her sister laughed insanely. "Do you know that this is the boss chamber of the Spirit Temple?"  
  
"Uh... no?" Cavet hedged, still as thick as a concussed um, Link. The other witch laughed again and exposed her broomstick, which in turn caused Cavet to gasp. Had the penny finally dropped?  
  
"You idiot! WE'RE the boss!" Koume shrieked, and without further ado, she shot a ball of magic straight at him. He yelped and only just jumped out of the way in time.  
  
"Oh, man!" he cursed, as Twinrova laughed in the background. "Why the hell do I have to be so slow?"  
  
He was now very scared, as they clearly weren't wrinkly old ladies anymore. They were dangerous. And it looked like Cavet was going to have to beat them, too.  
  
Another ball, blue this time, was shot at him from the other witch. Cavet tried to dodge out of the way, but it caught him on the fist and bounced back at the other witch, Koume. While Cavet swore loudly at the pain of the impact of the ball, Koume cursed as the ball hit her full on the face. She shrieked and fell to the floor.  
  
"Kotake!" she yelled, and the other witch's identity was unveiled. Her sister was obviously yelling at her because she wanted her to retaliate.  
  
Cavet was still kneeling down when Kotake flew towards him, screeching obscenities at the top of her voice. But then the pain in the Chosen's hand subsided, and he straightened up. At exactly the same time that Kotake reached him.  
  
"AHH!" she was sent spiralling through the air as Cavet's head hit her full on like a baseball bat hitting a baseball, such was his strength. She smashed into a wall at the far end and slid dazed to the floor. Cavet turned round, oblivious to the witch hitting his head moments before (as he was so thick skulled). When he saw them both down and out, he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"They were wrinklies, after all," he said to himself, rubbing his hand, which still hurt. Then a cry behind him caused him to turn round again.  
  
A tanned young woman was running towards him, a smile upon her face. Cavet's eyes lit up. Could it be? After an age searching for a decent female, here was one running towards him!  
  
When she reached him, she bowed low. She had ruby red hair and orange exotic eyes, eyes that Cavet definitely didn't mind looking into. They were shining as she looked at him again.  
  
"Thank you! You must be a hero come to save me, yes?" she began, as Cavet began to drool slightly. "My name is Nabooru, and I'm the Spirit Sage."  
  
Woah, Cavet thought to himself. Darunia wasn't lying. She is hot.  
  
He put on a smile that he thought was sexy, all teeth bared. It made him look more like a rabid dog than anything else, and Nabooru backed away slightly, her own smile fading.  
  
"Yeah, I'm one of the Chosen," he said in a husky voice. "So, are you free tonight?"  
  
Nabooru was knocked back by the heaviness of his approach. She stared coldly at him.  
  
"Excuse me?" she said, eyebrows raised. Cavet didn't cotton on to the fact that she wasn't exactly pleased about him. He grinned even wider.  
  
"Come on, baby. Let's get it together," he said, reaching out for her hand.  
  
SMACK!  
  
Before he could though, Nabooru had slapped him full across the cheek. He reeled, immediately putting a hand to his face as Nabooru glared at him.  
  
"How dare you!" she shouted. "I know you rescued me, but I'm not being your girl because of that! And now you've broken the barrier on this temple, I am getting out of here!"  
  
And with that, she turned on her heel and marched out of the room, leaving Cavet to rush after her in protest, an ugly red hand print across his face.  
  
As the door slammed shut behind him, the dazed Twinrova rose up to their feet.  
  
"Well, that told him," Kotake said. Koume could only nod in reply, still stunned by Nabooru's reaction to Cavet.  
  
"I need to retire," Koume then said, falling backwards onto the floor again. Kotake stared down at her sister.  
  
"Good idea," she said, and retired to the floor as well, Cavet's cries of anguish echoing around the temple and out to the Desert Colossus beyond.  
  
Rejection stings... 


	20. Chapter 19: To the Tower!

Chapter 19: To the Tower!

"We're here," Saria announced as she and the concussed Link arrived via the Triforce symbol in the Chamber of Sages. Upon hearing Saria's voice, Rauru clapped his hands together in delight.

"One more to go!" he cried, apparently unaware that Link thought he was a pizza delivery man. "Well done, Link."

"What?" Link said groggily. The concussion was still apparent, apparently. Rauru looked questioningly at Saria.

"Am I missing something?"

"Well actually, it's Link that's missing something," Saria said with an air of slight annoyance. "He's concussed. Must have hit his head somewhere in the Forest Temple. He thinks he's a pizza delivery man."

Rauru took another look at the cross-eyed Link, and slapped a hand to his forehead.

"And I thought they were meant to be renowned heroes," he said wearily, referring to all of the Chosen as a whole. Saria could only shrug.

Just when Rauru was about to rant further on the topic, the Triforce symbol began to glow, and suddenly two figures emerged from it, shouting furiously.

"YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF ME, CREEP!"

"I was only –"

"SHUT UP! DON'T YOU PATRONIZE ME!"

Nabooru and Cavet had arrived, and just in time.

"Are you really heroes, or just rejects of society?" Rauru began his lecture to the five assembled Chosen while the five rescued Sages looked on from their respective Medallion. Rauru had a way of talking to you. He made you feel about two inches tall, and man, were the Chosen wishing they could find a hole to crawl into right about now.

"Let's see..." Rauru continued, waving his arm in front of him. "All five Sages have been rescued, but it seems like you made a harder job of it than was necessary. You totally bodged up the rescuing of Nabooru, for example."

From her Medallion, Nabooru smirked at Cavet, who still had a rather red cheek. Luma mirrored Nabooru's expression and made a rude gesture behind Cavet's back.

"This applies to you too, Luma," Rauru said sternly, boring into her with those freaky eyes of his. Luma immediately ceased her actions and hung her head, feeling like a schoolchild being told off by a teacher. "You couldn't even handle a simple spell sufficiently – as you couldn't even reverse that Zora transformation you put on yourself!"

Rauru paused for breath, then looked at Link, who was beginning to recover from his bash on the head. Well, at least he didn't think he worked for Pizza Palace anymore. He looked at the Light Sage with remorseful baby blue eyes.

"And you, Link," Rauru began attacking him now. "Concussed twice, I hear! Saria had to guide you back here! What would have happened had you ran into trouble? Saria has no magic, and you were in no fit state to protect her. I suggest you, and the rest of you, get your acts together or else you'll have no chance against Ganondorf. And that is where you are going now."

"Now?" Luma said, panicking. This Ganondorf sounded like a right evil bloke to her. Rauru glared at her again.

"Yes, now. That's your job. It was part of the job description. To defeat Ganondorf – and it seems you're going to have to take care of Metis's shadow form Ananke too, if he's there."

The Chosen could only look at each other in horror. When no one responded, Rauru got a little miffed.

"Well, what are you waiting for, Christmas?" he shouted, causing them to jump as though they'd had a spike rammed up their behinds. "Go on, get going, and God help you!"

Rauru and the other Sages then pushed the crowd of five Chosen onto the Triforce, which began to glow. In a moment they were out of sight, on their way to Ganon's Castle – and a whole new phase of the mission. Rauru sighed, thinking of how messed up their first part had been.

"Say it," Darunia said, sighing. "We're doomed, right?"

Rauru turned to him with morose eyes.

"We're doomed."


	21. Chapter 20: The King of Evil's House

Chapter 20: The King of Evil's House  
  
"Well, here we are," Link said, looking up at it. Ganon's Castle, I mean. Link's concussion had totally disappeared and he was rather subdued after he learnt what he had been saying while in his delusional state.  
  
Luma's head almost fell backwards off her head as she craned it to look all the way to the top of the Castle. Her purple eyes were wide.  
  
"That's it?" she said in a hushed voice. Cavet rolled his eyes.  
  
"Well, it's not exactly the sort of place the King of Hyrule would live, is it?" he said in a tired voice. Luma spun round to glare at him. Before a fight could start though, Metis had stepped between them, a stern look on his face.  
  
"You heard what Rauru said," he stated, looking from Luma to Metis. "We're meant to be a team. So stop fighting and let's enter the tower."  
  
Viscen promptly took a flying leap over the lava gap that blocked the way into the castle, and safely reached the other side, waiting patiently for the rest. Metis and Luma easily followed suit, their magical prowess safely seeing them across. Which left the two that didn't have an ounce of magic in their bones: Link and Cavet, who looked panicky.  
  
"Ah! How do we get across?" Cavet said, turning to Link. For a strange second, something flashed in his memory – something that involved a Fire Sage and Link telling him something that proved to be totally wrong...  
  
"I don't – ARGH!" Link was caught unawares as a bundle of scorned male jumped on top of him, punching and flailing for all he was worth. The bundle was shouting words like "twat!" and "I'll get you for that!"  
  
The three from the other side of the lava watched in horror.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT?" Metis yelled over to the two struggling figures. Link was now punching back in defence, finally realising why Cavet was so pissed. This was for the Darunia incident, was it? Well, he deserved it...  
  
"HEY!" suddenly Metis was over to them, pulling them apart. Cavet growled like a rabid dog, blood dripping from his lip. Link had been punched several times in the cheek, and an ugly red mark was beginning to show. Metis glared at them both.  
  
"What on Earth were you thinking of, Cavet?" he stormed. "Are you totally insane?"  
  
"He told me Darunia was a woman!"  
  
"You deserved it!" Link shouted back.  
  
"Why, you –"  
  
"Hey, HEY!" Metis intervened again. "Stop it! You can settle this matter out of our mission time, okay? Now please try not to kill each other before we kill Ganondorf. Please? Hyrule is depending on us."  
  
"Like I care," Cavet spat, breaking free of Metis's grip and straightening his clothes. However, he heeded Metis's words and made no attempt to attack Link. "I don't even live here. This place is nothing but trouble. But I'll try not to kill him until after this Ganonduff bloke is dead. Now can you please get me over the bloody lava?"  
  
"Certainly." With a slight smirk on his face, Metis grabbed hold of both Link and Cavet, and helped them safely over to the other side.  
  
Looks like Cavet isn't proving to be too popular within the group...  
  
"It's too dark in here," Luma moaned as she fumbled along the wall of the castle. The Chosen were sticking together, as no torches at all were lit, and they didn't want to have a run in with something unpleasant on the way up. Although Link had been here before, he claimed that the interior was definitely different from that of seven years ago. Which sucked big time, because it would take them longer to get up if they didn't know how the hell to get up.  
  
"It tends to be dark in bad guy's hideouts," Cavet growled from somewhere behind her, still annoyed at Link.  
  
"You would know, wouldn't you, Cavet?" Link said innocently.  
  
"What d'you mean by that?"  
  
"Shut up!" Metis again stopped another fight from forming, and continued to lead the Chosen further into the belly of the beast. He was intent on revenge. Not on Ganondorf, of course, but on Ananke. He was nothing more than a traitor. Ooh, he'd show his evil twin...  
  
When they actually found the stairs, that is.  
  
When they actually managed to find the stairs, the first thing the group did was to trip up them as they found their footing. There seemed to be no enemies at all in the castle – either Ganondorf was luring them into a false sense of security or he didn't have enough money to hire some to guard the place.  
  
Anyway, the staircase, which seemed to be lined with a bloodred carpet (they couldn't exactly see the colour properly in the darkness) went spiralling up. Just like when Link was here. Seemed like the old boy Ganon had a soft spot for spiralling staircases.  
  
"Are we nearly there yet?" Cavet piped up from the back of the group.  
  
"Shut up," was the growled response from the front, and Cavet decided not to push it by asking again. I mean, it was clear they were nearly there – Ganondorf always had a really long staircase before the boss chamber, right?  
  
Right. For suddenly the place was filled with light and Metis found himself standing on a landing of sorts, which led to a very tall fancy-looking door. This was it. The showdown at last. After all they had been through, it was finally going to end here...  
  
"We're here," Metis said in a hushed voice, as the others made it, blinking and swearing from the sudden appearance of light. When they, too, saw the door, their faces changed in an instant.  
  
"I can't believe it," Luma said quietly. "Do you think Ganondorf would give me his autograph if I asked?"  
  
"For fuck's sake, woman!" Cavet said exasperatedly. "He's not a bloody celebrity! He's the King of all Evil, if you remember rightly."  
  
"Shut up, you – you –"Luma tried desperately to think of an insult good enough for Cavet, then gave up. It made her brain hurt. "Anyway, let's get this over with."  
  
"I'm with you there," Viscen replied, gazing up at the door with an almost hungering look in her eyes.  
  
The Chosen gathered up all the nerves they had left, and Metis opened the door, entering the lion's den. The others followed after. What greeted them was expected, but a big shock at the same time. For there he was, as real as Hyrule permitted him to be – Ganondorf Dragmire.  
  
And next to him stood Ananke. And above them... was Princess Zelda, who was apparently unconscious. The Chosen could only gape like five frozen goldfish.  
  
When Ganondorf saw whom it was that had turned up in his castle, he grinned icily.  
  
"Well, well, well," he said in a low voice. "Look what the cat dragged in."  
  
Cavet looked bemused.  
  
"Cat?" he said, looking round quickly. "What cat?"  
  
Ganondorf almost smacked his hand to his forehead, but resisted just in time. 


	22. Chapter 21: Phase One

Chapter 21: Phase One  
  
"Does your friend usually take metaphors so seriously?" Ganondorf asked Metis, who remained shocked to the spot. He refused to reply to the ginger freak in front of him. He wanted Ananke. He turned to the others (Cavet was still looking for that cat).  
  
"You take Ganondorf. I'm going to destroy Ananke."  
  
"Right," the others chorused, immediately taking up fighting stances (like something out of Dragonball Z). This seemed to amuse Ganondorf for some reason.  
  
"Tough guys, huh?" he said, his icy smile widening. "If I had known you were coming I would have baked cookies – not to mention step up the non- existent security on my castle."  
  
He pulled a face, then turned back to them.  
  
"No matter. It can't be helped. I'll just destroy you myself. Ananke – stay back."  
  
And Ganondorf suddenly formed a ball of magic out of thin air and shot it straight at the assembled group, who yelped in surprise and jumped out of the way just in time. Metis took to the air.  
  
"NOW!" he shouted to the others, and they responded, charging straight for the Gerudo.  
  
"No more small talk!" Metis yelled, rushing straight for Ananke. "Let the battle begin!"  
  
"We heard you the first time!" Link whooped, realising his place in the team of five. He immediately ran towards the ginger Gerudo, who has swearing because his attack had missed, and drew the Master Sword. Viscen, Luma and Cavet were right behind him, magic and/or fists at the ready. When Ganondorf saw four rabid looking people rushing towards him, he screamed like a little girl and almost started to run away. What a wimp. He tried to throw a random punch at one of the four Chosen surrounding him, but they dodged out of the way and aimed their swings carefully, each choosing a different time to strike. Seemed like they could work as a team after all.  
  
"Argh! Ananke!" Ganondorf screamed, looking with red eyes towards the traitor for help. But Ananke was in no fit state to help his master – he was currently being pinned down by Metis, who had thrown his 'cool and calm' façade out of the window and was punching the dark Chosen in every place he could reach. You'd think he would put up a fight, but then again, Metis had caught him unawares. Ganondorf panicked even more.  
  
I can't lose to these punks! He thought desperately.  
  
"Excuse me! We're not punks!" Viscen cried gleefully, forming a ball of pure light in her hands, reading the King of Evil's mind. Ganondorf was gobsmacked.  
  
"Yeah! We're the Chosen!" Cavet crowed in his tough guy voice, stretching him fist back ready. Link too, whipped out his bow and Light Arrows, taking aim carefully. Luma, who still didn't seem to have the hang of her powers, decided not to risk it and stood back to watch. They wouldn't need her, after all. Plus she could watch Metis's battle...  
  
"Ready..." Viscen said to the others, her energy ball focused on the freak before her. Link's mouth became a tense line on his face and he pulled the bow back. Cavet merely nodded.  
  
"GO!"  
  
Suddenly Ganondorf was pelted with the force of an energy ball, a Light arrow and a fist of fury as three of the Chosen attacked at once. He screamed in agony, and if that wasn't enough, Cavet jumped on him, pinning him down, eager to hit him more than once. That would teach him for making him come here!  
  
"No! No! Don't!" was all Cavet could hear below him as the two scuffled on the ground. Link, Viscen and Luma merely watched. It looked like Cavet was doing brilliantly on his own.  
  
"I thought Ganondorf was stronger than this," Link commented, leaning on the Master Sword. Viscen's eyebrows raised.  
  
"Maybe he's getting complacent in his old age," she merely said. Then she decided to help Cavet pummel the Gerudo into the ground. Link turned his attention to Metis and Ananke's fight, which Metis was winning easily. What's more, Ananke seemed to be fading away into thin air. Or was Link just imagining it?  
  
"Link," Luma said beside him in a hushed voice. "Look... Ananke is fading away."  
  
Then Metis got up suddenly, raised his staff high above the twisted form of Ananke, and uttered some strange words. Suddenly, where Ananke had lay, was nothing but air.  
  
Ananke had been defeated! Metis had got his own back at last.  
  
Luma clapped and whooped while Link could only look on in delight, and Metis joined them to say, "I gave him a taste of his own medicine. He's gone to meet Phantom Ganon."  
  
Suddenly, in the place between dimensions, Phantom Ganon was disturbed by a presence beside him. He looked down to find a crumpled heap of black. When he saw it was a person, he smiled with ecstasy.  
  
"'Ey up, china! Welcome to limbo! I'm Phantom Ganon! 'Ere, you wanna game of snap or somethin'?"  
  
Ananke looked up to the deranged guardian with helpless eyes, made to shrug his shoulders, but then nodded. Well, there was nothing else to do except wait for the end of time, was there? 


	23. Chapter 22: The Human Firework

**Chapter 22: The Human Firework**

"Annoying – little – pests!" Ganondorf spluttered, as he felt something sharp dig into his side. "Get off me! What have I ever done to you?"

"Aw, c'mon, don't resist, your Majesty," Cavet said sarcastically. "We don't bite – hard!" he then promptly sank his teeth deep into Ganondorf's arm. He howled like a werewolf and immediately jumped to his feet (knocking Viscen off in the process), running around the chamber like a headless chicken, Cavet still hanging on to his arm by his teeth.

"Get off! Get off, you hideous animal!" Ganondorf screamed, sounding rather like a woman who has seen a mouse go up her dress. He swung his arm about a bit, and Cavet eventually released his grip and flew across the room, laughing, until he hit the wall on the other side, where he rolled down to the floor in a daze of ginger hair, little Ganondorfs flying round his head.

The real Ganondorf was distraught. Where Cavet had bitten into his arm was a nasty dent.

"I've probably got rabies now!" he sobbed, the anger building up inside him. He glared at the Chosen who were now assembled at the other end of the room (Cavet had shook off his confusion and joined them), fighting poses ready. Ganondorf could only gulp.

"Here we go," he groaned, bracing himself as all five Chosen rushed towards him, manic grins on their faces.

But just as they were about to make contact with him, he formed a ball of magic and shot it directly at them. It hit home, and the Chosen scattered like bowling pins, yelling and flailing as they landed.

"Strike!" Ganondorf crowed, punching the air in delight. He stopped when the pain in his arm became too much; such was the sharpness of Cavet's teeth. He looked at them, an evil glint in his eyes.

"Okay. No more playing around!" Ganondorf yelled, taking to the air. The Chosen quickly got to their feet and stared in awe (except Link, who was far too used to this trick to care anymore) at his flying skill.

"Ooh, and you call flying not playing around then, eh?" Link scoffed, curling his upper lip. Spurred on by this insult, the others also jeered with him. Ganondorf was sure steam was coming out of his ears at that moment as the anger grew inside him.  
  
"No! I don't call it not playing, stupid jerks!" he yelled. He quickly formed another bundle of magic and shot it out, each ball heading for a different Chosen.  
  
Link's made no progress whatsoever – he merely hit it away with the Master Sword, where it hit the wall and faded. Viscen's chased her for awhile until she leaned against a wall and jumped, allowing it to land where she had been seconds before. Luma screamed like a banshee and went to run behind Metis, who had just done a Link and swatted his at a wall too, but he didn't see the other ball until it was too late. It hit both him and Luma with impact, knocking them to the floor in a bundle of clothes. Luma could swear his leg was up her skirt, but she wasn't going to say anything. Cavet's ball definitely made an impression – he ran around the room in circles like a headless chicken for a while, the ball chasing after him. When Cavet thought he had lost the ball, he shouted "SUCK ON THAT, GANONDUFF!"  
  
Clearly he didn't see it come up behind him then. For it literally came up behind him – up his backside to be precise. He screamed louder than Luma had as it exploded up his ass and sent him flying about ten feet into the air, smoke protruding behind him like a firework. Ganondorf watched with interest as Cavet ended up in a bundled heap in a corner of the room. Well, three out of five ain't bad, is it? And a human firework included with that – it was definitely value for money – not that he'd spent any money, but still.  
  
Ganondorf had much bigger things on his mind though. As he had said earlier, playtime was over.  
  
"WEYAAAAAH!" He shouted (sounds like he does in the game), a strange light surrounding him suddenly.  
  
"Woah. Radioactive skin," Cavet said, emerging from his bundle of robes and catching sight of the Gerudo.  
  
But that wasn't all. For Ganondorf seemed to be undergoing a horrendous transformation before the Chosen's very eyes... Luma and Metis finally got disentangled and watched with apprehension as Ganondorf's nose turned very snout-like... like a pig's nose, in fact.  
  
Link finally cottoned on. Slapping a hand to his forehead, he began to feel a little scared.  
  
"He's turning into Ganon!" he cried over the Gerudo's yells. Cavet misheard.  
  
"Gammon?" he said, as Ganondorf's face began to resemble that of a warthog. "You mean like bacon or something?"  
  
How thick was Cavet? Link frowned, but decided not to get into a fight at that moment. They had enough trouble on their hands!  
  
"Well, you could call it bacon," he instead replied, as Ganondorf grew bigger before their very eyes. Sharp-looking swords sprouted out of his hands like flowers, and the group finally realised how much of a threat Ganondorf now was.  
  
"He's turning into Ganon – the, um, pig thing!" Link cried. Cavet looked up to the now fully transformed Ganon with a scared look in his yellow eyes. That didn't stop him from cracking a joke, though.  
  
"Well, well, well – pigs can fly," he said sarcastically.


	24. Chapter 23: The Walking Stick

Chapter 23: The Walking Stick  
  
"Help!" Luma whimpered, as the now much bigger and improved Ganon (without the Dorf) crashed down to the ground before them, roaring his head off. He looked totally insane. Well, more insane than he did as a human anyway.  
  
"And what was the point of that?" Cavet said, still trying to act the tough guy. Metis gave him a withering look.  
  
"You don't know when to stop, do you?" he said. "Don't you get it? He's now Ganon – his ultimate form. He's way more powerful in that pig guise than when he was a human – now we have a real battle on our hands."  
  
"Well, aren't you a little ray of sunshine," was Cavet's reply. Clearly he didn't know when to stop.  
  
"What are we just standing around for?" Viscen said, glaring up at pig Ganon with red eyes. "Are going to get this over with or what?"  
  
"I thought you'd never ask!" Link said, pulling out his Light Arrows. The others stared at him.  
  
"This is the only way to defeat him," he replied, answering their empty faces. "Just leave the hero stuff to me. Back me up or something. Or maybe you can be my personal cheerleading squad."  
  
Cavet took this approach a little too seriously – well, he didn't know when to stop.  
  
"Link, Link, he's our man, if he can do it, anyone can!" he cried in a girly voice, fluttering his eyelashes at him when Link turned to glare at him. Cavet then blew a kiss and waggled his fingers about, enjoying Link's reaction enormously.  
  
"Link, behind you –!" Metis warned, as Ganon thundered towards him. Link was too busy glaring at Cavet to notice however. Uh oh.  
  
"AYAAAAH!?" Link screamed as one of Ganon's Big Fat Swords made contact with the side of his face. Blood spilt – well, it actually sprayed out like a small fountain straight into Cavet's eyes. He joined in with the screaming as he immediately raised his hands to his bloodshot (ha, ha, ha) eyes, totally losing his head.  
  
"LINK! YOU CRETIN!" the Chosen yelled as he tried to blink the Hero of Time's blood out of his eyes.  
  
"CONSIDER IT A PRESENT!" Link screamed as he flew past Cavet (the sword had sent him airborne) and landed in a green heap on the floor. He got straight to his feet, fuming. That had been Cavet's fault! He longed to pound his face into the ground, but right now he had more important things on his mind – the huge pig in the centre of the room, for starters.  
  
Metis swung his staff around and shot a bolt of lightning at Ganon's stomach, which caused him to squeal like a stuck pig (ha, ha, ha again) and freeze, his weak spot (the tail) exposed.  
  
"Link! The Light Arrows!" Metis called, preparing another spell just in case. Link heeded the call and made his way around the evil warthog, bow tensed. Then he shot.  
  
"Fly true, o little arrow!" he cried, a bit like Cupid (yeah, right). The arrow hit home – Ganon's backside. This caused Ganon to scream even louder. Link then whipped out the Master Sword and promptly smacked the pig one on the tail.  
  
"I know how to do this!" Link crowed, as Ganon screeched and swung his swords around at the thin air. "Back me up, guys!"  
  
Link repeated the process of shooting a Light Arrow at Ganon (being careful to keep away from those swords, of course), then hitting his exposed tail with his sword. Just like last time.  
  
"I thought Ganon was supposed to be the ultimate boss?" Viscen said, her eyebrows raised in surprise. "He seems easy enough to me – Link doesn't even need our help."  
  
"Yeah... it's strange," Metis agreed. "I thought he was meant to be tougher than this." Under his breath he said to himself, "he's just like Phantom Ganon – the loveable oaf."  
  
Meanwhile, in the background, Cavet was still trying to get Link's blood out of his eyes.  
  
"I'm totally seeing red over here!" he yelled, wobbling about (excuse the seeing red pun). His hands over his eyes, he didn't notice where he was wobbling and headed straight into Ganon's stomach. Link was too busy hitting the pig's tail to notice how stupid Cavet was. Metis was a little too late in shouting a warning, Viscen had been watching Link, and Luma – well, she wouldn't have said anything if her life depended on it – she hated Cavet, after all.  
  
Ganon, recovering from having a metal blade stuck into his tail, looked down to see a small person right in front of him. He roared and raised his swords, thinking that at least one of them killed would be some consolation.  
  
"CAVET!" Metis yelled, surging forward. He grabbed Cavet and got him out of harm's way just in time, for where his head had been practically milliseconds before was a rather large sword. Cavet, who couldn't see anything still, didn't know how close his shave had been.  
  
"What have you got in your eyes?" Metis asked him. Cavet looked blindly to where he thought Metis's face to be.  
  
"Well, it's not red paint, is it?" he said angrily. "It's that twat Link's blood! It got me when that great big pig slashed his face open!"  
  
"Oh – right," Metis said, trying not to laugh. He got Cavet's cape and wiped most of the blood from his eyes (since Cavet was too thick to have thought of using fabric to wipe it off). Blinking furiously, Cavet could finally see again.  
  
"Well, praise the Lord!" he said sarcastically. "I have been cured of my blindness!"  
  
"Erm, excuse me," Luma said coldly to him, "Metis just saved your head from being mounted on Ganon's wall, if I remember rightly."  
  
"You what?" Cavet frowned at her. Turning to Viscen, who also nodded, he realised what had just happened.  
  
"Uh, thanks, I guess," he said quietly to Metis, actually seeming embarrassed. Metis nodded in reply.  
  
"Don't mention it," he said. "Let's just concentrate on ending Ganon's reign of terror, once and for all!"  
  
While all this had been hitting off, Link had still been shooting those arrows and hitting that tail. He wasn't tiring – he was used to the long slog – but it seemed Ganon was as well. Although the warthog had no chance of getting a hit in on Link (or any of the Chosen for that matter), it seemed like the Hero of Time had hit him at least a thousand times already – and the pig was still going strong.  
  
"Come on, when is this thing gonna die?" Cavet asked Metis, who merely shrugged, unable to supply an answer for once. Link, who heard Cavet's question, shouted back a reply.  
  
"It's definitely taking longer this time around," he admitted, once again hitting Ganon's tail. Getting frustrated, he shouted at the pig, "Die, Goddammit! Just fucking die!"  
  
"I've had enough of watching this," Cavet said, when Ganon still didn't go down. "Give me your staff, Metis."  
  
Without waiting for a reply, he snatched Metis's staff from his hands (ignoring his cry of protest), ran up behind Ganon, jumped onto his back, and before the pig could say 'bacon', Cavet had brought the staff down onto his head with a sickening crunch.  
  
That did it. Ganon screeched louder than any other time, blood erupting from his head (Cavet nearly getting splattered in the face with it for a second time). It staggered about for a token two minutes or so, Cavet hastily retreating with the others, then there was silence as the Great Pig of Evil fell dead to the floor.  
  
It had been done!  
  
And to think the ultimate weapons of the Master Sword and Light Arrows couldn't do it, but a walking stick could... 


	25. Epilogue: Until Next Time!

A/N: Well... looks like we've reached the end of our journey... the end of the Chosen's adventure. I've had tons of fun writing it (and being evil to Cavet), and you guys have shared the fun with me. I can't thank you enough – the story has turned out to be a huge success! Maybe I'll continue to develop my OCs of Viscen, Luma, Metis, Cavet and Ananke, and involve them in a new adventure of their own...

Epilogue: Until Next Time!

"Link, Viscen, Luma, Metis, and, of course, Cavet," Rauru said to the assembled Chosen. They were situated outside the fully restored Hyrule Castle with the other Sages, their powers fully restored, and a beaming Princess Zelda, also newly rescued. Behind them, it seemed like a crowd of children had made a bonfire and were cooking what looked like a very large pig on a spit. No prizes for guessing who the pig was...

"We cannot thank you enough – although you did get off to a bad start," Rauru said, smiling. Thinking of all the messed up rescue missions before the final battle, the Chosen could only smile awkwardly in reply.

"But now Hyrule is back to what it once was," Zelda said, "and it also looks like the townspeople are going to have a huge feast tonight."

The group laughed. At last, their mission had ended – and each of the Chosen had learned something of great importance. It had almost been like one of those journeys of self-discovery, according to Luma.

"At any rate, I think we should thank Cavet," Metis announced, turning to him. "He finished Ganon off with a simple tap on the head."

Cavet immediately put on his 'tough guy' façade as everybody looked to him.

"Yeah, that's right," he said. Without warning, Nabooru went up to him and kissed him on the cheek.

"My hero," she said, and Cavet blushed like a traffic light on stop.

"Aw, well, anybody else would have done the same thing," he said, returning to his normal self as he thanked his lucky stars. He turned and smiled at Link (shock! Horror!).

"Sorry about all our misunderstandings, dude," he said, and Link nodded in reply. They shook hands.

"No problem."

"I owe you one too, Metis," Cavet then shook Metis's hand, then Viscen's, then when he turned to Luma, he froze.

"I, uh, Luma," he stuttered, staring into those deep purple eyes of hers. Suddenly she didn't seem so haughty anymore.

"Yes, Cavet?" she replied, smiling slightly. He gulped.

"I – I'm sorry!" he burst out, taking her hand and wringing it furiously. "I didn't mean for us to be such enemies! But you have to admit," he added, smiling at her, "it did make things interesting, didn't it?"

Luma smiled in reply, then, just as Cavet was about to release his grip on her hand; she grabbed his and swung him over her head, slamming him to the floor.

"Ow! What was that for?" he demanded furiously as Nabooru helped him to his feet. Luma could still only smile.

"For being a partner in the Chosen," she said in a friendly manner. She turned to leave for the Chamber of Sages and back to Termina, but before she did, she looked everyone in the eye and thanked them. Turning to Zelda last, she said, "were we separated at birth or something?"

Giggling, she then turned on her heel and headed into the sunset, waving furiously behind her.

"Who knows when we'll be called together again?" she cried as she disappeared.

"She's right," Rauru said. "Something else will come along, and you five will be united again."

"I look forward to it," Metis said, then, he too, turned and headed for the Temple of Time, and back to Labrynna, waving goodbye with his staff in the air – the weapon that fed Hyrule Town that day.

Cavet grinned at the remaining Chosen.

"Well, looks like I'm needed back in Dreamworld," he said with a glint in his eye. Hugging Nabooru he whispered in her ear, "sorry babe, but it wasn't meant to be." Straightening up, he winked at the rest of the Sages and headed down the road after Metis, shouting that he would get Link back for the Darunia incident – one day.

"I believe I'm needed back at Holodrum too," Viscen said to the group. "Oh yes – did those Stalfos get the freedom they wanted?"

"See for yourself," Impa said, nodding her head behind her. Within the group of children who were cooking roast Ganon were two laughing skeletons, which were poking the pig's body with their swords. Viscen smiled.

"Great," she said. Turing to Link, she said, "it has been a pleasure, Link. Until next time!"

And with that she disappeared with the last rays of the sun.

Which left Link and the Sages looking into the sunset.

"Looks like the end of another adventure," Link said, grinning. "Now can I go home and actually finish my washing up?"

"Of course," Rauru smirked. Saria hugged Link tight and said, "Thank you for rescuing me – and next time, bring the pizza!"

This last comment caused Link to blush, and as he waved farewell to the Sages and said a silent goodbye to the Chosen who had become his closest friends, he then headed for home.

However, when he had almost reached Kokiri Forest, he heard a voice calling his name from a nearby large clump of bushes. Curiosity got the better of him, and he walked over to the bush, only to be grabbed roughly by a hand and into it. When he saw who had grabbed him, Link could only grin from ear to ear.

"Cavet!"

The Chosen were in the bush amid dozens of crates of what seemed like beer. Looked like they weren't going home yet, after all.

"What's all this about?" Link said suspiciously as Metis passed him a bottle. Behind him, Viscen and Luma were grinning at the Hero of Time.

"We couldn't leave without a party, could we?" Luma said.

"Major piss-up, dude!" Cavet slurred, waving his own bottle about and slopping a load down his top. "A just reward for the Chosen, I think!"

"Good idea!" Link grinned, and, raising his bottle, he and the others called a toast.

"To the Chosen!" they cried. "And roll on the next mission!"

fin


End file.
